Candy at Midnight

It's D-Blog Day!

2010-11-09T08:24:00.003-05:00

The topic this year is: 6 things you want people to know about diabetes. I could fill volumes with what I would like the people in Noah's life to know about his disease, so breaking it down to 6 is a bit of a challenge, but here goes.

1. Type 1 diabetes is a tough disease to manage. From one day to the next, blood glucose can fluctuate with seemingly no explanation. It could be something as simple as stressing over a math test, or eating breakfast a half hour later than usual that can send blood sugars roaming out of the comfort zone and into the danger zone. Chasing a high with a correction bolus, water and exercise sometimes just plain doesn't do the trick. The same goes for pesky lows sometimes, and it can be frustrating knowing that through all your best efforts, diabetes is essentially blowing raspberries at you behind your back.

2. A good thing that came out of this journey is the overabundance of support that's available within the diabetes OC. As the mom of a newly diagnosed little boy 5 years ago, I was pretty much lost in a new world I didn't know how to navigate. My husband and I felt isolated not knowing anyone with whom we could identify. What we needed was someone to ease our fears and let us know that we weren't totally screwing things up. We have received so much help from so many people over the years with everything from recipes, to 504 plan advice. That kind of support is priceless and we are truly grateful.

3. Insulin is not a cure. I saw this on a t-shirt once, and it has since become my mantra any time an opportunity comes to raise funds for research, or to simply answer a question for someone who wants to know more about diabetes. So much more can and will be done in the way of research. For now, insulin is what is available, and we look so forward to the day we can have a more permanent solution. I'm hopeful it will happen in Noah's lifetime.

4. Insulin is the thing that's keeping my son alive.
I can't stress this enough to the insurance company who is refusing to allow us more than 1 bottle per month. When that vial gets low, I get mad and resentful at the fact that insurance companies will practically give away other drugs that to me are frivolous (Viagra, Cialis) and non life-sustaining, but they give me crap about how much insulin Noah is going through. It's not right.

5. We're lucky to have such a constant emphasis on Noah's health and diet. I always say he's one of the healthiest people I know. We have learned how to help him make good food choices, and he has such a healthy attitude towards what he eats. We have always steered him towards trying new things, while at the same time never making him feel like any food is "off limits". He gets to have cake at birthdays and candy at Halloween just like any other kid, but he knows that it's because he makes the right choices all the other days that creates that perfect balance.

6. Type 1 diabetes is a bully and a sore loser. It tries to be all badass, throwing a high blood glucose at Noah right before bed, or surprising him with a nasty low the minute he sits down for a quiz at school. Noah is stronger than diabetes, and always manages to get up in it's face, ,bring his A game, and win in the end. What can I say? The kid is good.

2010-10-21T09:17:00.005-04:00

Imagine doing everything you're told. You stick to the rules, learn the tricks, and jump through all the hoops. You do this every second of every day. You do this out of fear. You do it because you are a parent and you have to. You do it out of love.

Imagine doing all that, and watching your most precious blessing, the thing you've been fighting for, and caring for, and loving so dearly slip away.

I don't know them, this family that must feel like their world has come crashing down on them. The recent death of their 13 year old child caused by a rare syndrom e due to type 1 diabetes is something that can't be explained away. There is nothing and no one to set blame to. My heart is breaking for Eilish and her family- prayer feels so painfully inadequate, but I do it anyway.

It's cutting right into my mother's heart. All I can do is think of Noah and my God, how will I sleep tonight?

I'm sure, along with so many others, I won't.

Pray.

2010-06-14T19:34:00.005-04:00

When Noah was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, we felt like our world was falling apart. I remember the doctor's explanation in a vague, dreamlike way. Nothing about what was said is crystal clear in my mind, but the feeling in the pit of my stomach is something I will never forget. Sick, and twisty. Not butterflies but the beating of leathery bat's wings.

In the 5 years since, life has become as normal and everyday as it can be when you're a busy family with the occasional crazy blood glucose or weird A1C result. I was confident that new sense of normal meant I would never feel that bat in my stomach again. As the saying goes, life goes on.

Unfortunately, the news of late has been anything but normal around here. My husband had brain surgery to remove a tumor that was recently found and was causing him to have seizures. The day he was to leave the hospital, we were told by the oncologist that the tumor was a malignant oligoastrocytoma. We were not prepared at all for that outcome. Of course, we knew of the possibility of cancer but it was presented to us as remote by the many specialists visited over the course of 2 months leading up to surgery.

I sat in the hospital room with my husband and cried while the family of his roommate on the other side of the curtain joked and laughed. It's funny the things that stick in your memories. I also remember the overwhelming feeling of being cheated out of a long life with the man I promised to grow old with.

Later that day, they sent him home.

Three days went by, and we shared the news with immediate family. The outpouring of support after coming home was unbelievable- meals were dropped off at our home, cards and phone calls were abundant as were words of encouragement and prayer. We began to feel as though we could get through it.

I had been relying on my mom to hang with Noah during the days I stayed late at MGH, and she was so generous with her time and her help- all while nursing a chronic sore back, so on Jon's third day home from the hospital, it was a nice treat when my mom stopped by the house just to visit and hang out.

We sat and talked. That's when my mom told me that she was diagnosed with cancer during the same week Jon was recovering from his brain surgery. It was her back pain that prompted her to visit her doctor. I learned that while I was at MGH in the morning, my mom was also at MGH having tests and meeting with specialists. Then, she would drive the hour back up North to be here at the house when Noah got home from school.

I sat there, completely ripped apart and crying thinking of how my mom was alone when she learned that cancer invaded her lungs, liver and spine.

That was 2 months ago. Lots of things have happened since then. Jon has started radiation therapy and is at the halfway mark. Mom is doing chemotherapy, and is tough as nails. Noah took the news very hard at first, but over the last few weeks he's been doing better.

The truth is, it feels like living in the Twilight Zone. There are good days and shitty days. Despite feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under my life, I refuse to sit in the corner and cry. The support from friends and family has been so uplifting and has proven to be incredibly healing.

Who knows what will happen in the next year, month or even day. Please take the time to tell the people you love just how much they mean to you. Take care of your health. Go to the doctor if something seems "off".

And please, pray.

2010-02-24T19:34:00.004-05:00

I don't even know how to lead into this story, so I'll just blurt it out. We've been going through a lot here at our house lately. We recently found out that my husband has a brain tumor. His team of doctors are confident it's not cancer, and that they will be able to remove most, if not all of the tumor. He did a week-long stint at MGH in Boston for extended EEG testing a couple weeks ago, and now we wait for a surgery date. During this time, Noah has had some crazy blood sugars and I'm pretty sure the stress and worry about what's going on with his dad is a huge contributing factor, so I'm trying my best to be extremely positive.

But really? I feel like a swimmer caught in the undertow. I honestly don't know how to take on this much.

I don't know how much time I'll have to blog, but I know it helps to have a place to vent it all, so I may just be a little blogging machine. We'll see.

site change

2009-12-15T08:28:00.005-05:00

Last Night at our house...

Me: assume the position, kiddo. Which side?
Noah: the right, this time.
Me: you ready?
Noah: not yet...(deep breaths)

Me: ready now?

Noah: hold on...(a few more deep breaths)...okay. OW!
Me: honey, I'm sorry. (eyes filling up) I'm sorry you have to always do this crap.
Noah: It's okay. I have to do it because diabetes just came and got me.

Feeling the pinch

2009-12-10T13:28:00.005-05:00

Parenting a child who has type 1 comes with all kinds of challenges. A tough one is identifying with how a high or a low must feel to Noah, because neither me or my husband have diabetes. Noah experiences some symptoms of a low blood sugar that I can see readily : shaky hands and pale, sweaty face. How he feels on the inside is a bit of a mystery to me,and although he's tried to describe the "cruddy feeling" that washes over him, it's not something I can really relate to.

Today, I got to experience a small taste of that cruddy feeling for myself. Since July, I've been seeing a nutritionist to get my weight under control. I've been doing pretty good, too. I've lost 30 lbs. so far, and have about 20 more to go before I reach my goal. Because of the weight loss, my body is a little out of whack- I used to always be hungry and I was told that it was because I constantly snacked and grazed during the day, keeping my blood glucose on the higher end of the scpectrum.

Now that I eat normally, my body no longer craves the constant flow of food, and I'm no longer always feeling hungry to keep up with that demand.
The problem is, even though I'm eating my calories for the day, I don't feel hungry enough to snack between meals at all. That caused a problem for me early this afternoon, right before lunch. I felt shaky and pretty cruddy. I couldn't think straight and became panicky. I wondered out loud; "If this is only half of what a low feels like, it SO sucks".

I grabbed a clementine off the counter, scarfed it and sat- staring at the clock on the microwave a full ten minutes.

And then I did something out of curiosity. I went to the D-Drawer and grabbed Noah's spare test kit and used it. 82 mg/dl.

I guess it's not bad for an adult, right? But all I can think of is that reading came after I ate the clementine, so I wonder what it was before?
I also can't get that feeling of confusion and anxiety out of my head. It was unpleasant and uncomfortable. I imagine my blood sugar wasn't all that low to begin with, but now I see a tiny bit how Noah (or anyone else with diabetes, for that matter) feels when a low starts. I'm amazed at how anyone going through a low can even function enough to go through the motions of a blood glucose test, let alone rummage around for something to treat the low afterward.

I'm also amazed at the fact that most type 1's test 10 times a day, because my pinky finger still hurts from the lancet. (yep, I'm a baby) I don't know how you guys all do it...all day...every day. Yeah, I got a small taste of what it's like, and it made a big impact.

hold on tight

2009-12-02T09:02:00.003-05:00

this might be the most adorable thing ever.

Health care plan woes.

2009-11-30T08:53:00.006-05:00

My husband's employer brought the hammer down and informed us that they are dropping Tufts Health Care...which of course is the insurance we have. It's also the insurance we love. The coverage has been great- we've never had to pay for an insulin pump, our copays are low, and I actually like talking to the helpful staff at member services (God knows they've heard from me enough over the years).
Now comes the daunting task of reviewing insurance plans. I have 3 choices- all plans offered by Blue Cross, Blue Shield.

A side note: Our dissatisfaction with BCBS is the reason we switched to Tufts in the first place. BCBS sent an outrageous bill totaling upwards of $10,000 to us after the birth of Noah, claiming we had to pay out of pocket for a c-section and 4 day hospital stay. The reason? They had no physical proof of my admittance to the hospital. Seriously? Hey, this baby here isn't physical proof enough for ya? True story.

Ok, so needless to say, my expectations that any of our options is going to offer us a vast improvement over what we currently have are lacking. There's also this scary feeling that I'll miss something, and be stuck with a plan that could possibly hurt Noah health-wise. I've heard so many stories of people with type 1 diabetes fighting with their insurance companies over coverage. What's going to happen when Noah's doctor wants to try a CGM and insurance says "no"? I wouldn't back down from a "no", but I'd rather not have to fight over it in the first place.
I understand and appreciate that we are VERY lucky to have any coverage at all. I want the best possible everything for him, and honestly, I don't want to screw this up.

Talk. Listen. Repeat.

2009-11-18T10:19:00.004-05:00

Some people like a challenge. It makes them work harder- try to prove something to themselves or others. I guess I fall into that category most of the time, but recently it's been hard for me to get through the D stuff with a smile on my face and my usual unwavering fighting spirit. The numbers make me angry. The cost worries me. I have lost sleep over the minute details of diabetes too many nights to count.

It's no wonder that the needs of the one person in the center of all this- Noah - the most important person, in fact, get lost in the shuffle. My mind is constantly on numbers, strips, ratios, research, money...
Yes, all that is important and won't go away, but I realized recently that paying so much attention to those details has taken my focus away from helping Noah with the challenges he faces every day. I'm so used to being a cheerleader- encouraging Noah to go with the flow and, doing the whole, "we're not afraid of dumb old type 1 !" thing , that I fail to see that he might be struggling in his own way.

It's time to stop, keep quiet and really listen to Noah without jumping up all full of piss and vinegar wanting to conquer his fears. I might be surprised to find he doesn't want a cheerleader...just a mom.

Today's My Birthday

2009-09-29T11:18:00.001-04:00

Guess what I'll be wishing for when I blow out the candles...

Words make a difference.

2009-07-28T14:50:00.003-04:00

Noah was lucky to receive a TON of mail from us and the rest of our family while he was at camp. He was eager to share it with us, and so as we helped him unpack I paused to read each one. A cute card in particular (from a very close family member) caught my eye and I read the short message of encouragement once...twice...a third time. I couldn't believe what I was reading, as my eyes repeatedly ran across the scrawl. Amid the uplifting message, one phrase had my maternal instinct rising up in a fireball of fury.

Quoting from card: "It must be nice to know you're not the only one with this problem."

Problem. Problem. Really?

Not having enough toll money is a problem. Being stuck on the elliptical machine next to overly sweaty guy is a problem. Lindsay Lohan's appeal and fame is a problem...

This very close family member has been consistently lacking in any desire to learn more about Type 1 from the start, (no matter how many times we explain to her that Noah is on no dietary restrictions, she always plays Food Cop with us) so I shouldn't be all that surprised or expect anything more than ignorance on her part, but this message was written to Noah from someone he's supposed to trust. He's 11. He has Type 1 diabetes, and will continue to have Type 1 Diabetes always. He knows this. He doesn't need negativity and to be told what he's got is a problem.

Happy Camper

2009-07-27T11:19:00.004-04:00

Noah busting a move at Dance Night

On Friday, I hopped in the car with Jon and my mom to fetch Noah from his 2 week stint at Camp Joslin. During his time away, we received just one letter written on his third day, stating that he didn't think camp was for him, and that he was very homesick. Oh boy. I tried not to overreact upon reading that, but every day of camp that went by, I anticipated a phone call from Joslin, and was releived at the end of the day when no such call came.
It didn't help that we missed him like crazy, too!

When we arrived at camp, we wandered from the dining hall to the cabin, looking for Noah. He wasn't sitting there looking all forlorn, waiting with his luggage, like I had imagined. We had to have him paged over the loudspeaker, and as he rounded the corner of the main office I could see the sheer happiness on his face and I knew the two weeks had become a turning point for him and his life as a kid with type 1.

There were hugs, we met a couple of his new friends, and heard a ton of stories
- he even lifted his shirt to show us the new site for his infusion set - something I could never get him to do at home. Through it all, I noticed a new confidence in Noah that had not been there before. He loved camp, and has already started talking about next summer.

Now that we're home and the normalcy has returned to our routine, that happy confidence is still abundant in Noah. So much so, that when it came time to do his site change, he surprised me by taking the reigns and doing it all himself. Drawing up the insulin, tapping out the bubbles, loading the pump, and doing the insertion like a pro.

I'll never be able to put into words the gratitude I feel towards the amazing doctors, nurses, staff and councilors at Camp Joslin. Just like Noah, I can't wait till next summer.

No Rain

2009-07-14T12:29:00.004-04:00

Noah is now a camper. Diabetes camp, to be specific. Being his first time, we had no idea what to expect, but it's been the talk at the dinner table here at our house for months now. Wondering what the cabins will be like, and where all the other kids will be from? Will the food be good? What about the weather? Oh, the weather. The darn rain that has been plaguing us here in New England for the better part of a month straight put all the other worries to shame. Well, all the crossing of fingers must have paid off, because Sunday when we drove down to the camp, it was a gloriously sunny, warm, and DRY day.

No Rain.

We ambled up to the office where we could see counselors and kids milling around...some with pumps and tubing precariously hanging out in the breeze...some not. I looked at Noah, and saw his smile of understanding and recognition. Even as we went through the check in process, and he got to know his cabin mates, you could the bonds of familiarity forming.

After saying good-bye about 100 times, and taking the long drive home, my husband and I sat in our too quiet house wondering if Noah was doing ok. We recapped the day, and talked about our observations. My husband put it perfectly when he said this to me:

"Seeing Noah today at camp, reminded me of that Blind Melon video. Remember the one with the little bee girl? She danced and got laughed at...went all over the place trying to find where she fit in. Finally she found other bees doing their dance, and she was so happy. That's kind of like Noah today at camp."

Noah has found his bees.

Everybody's doing it.

2009-05-07T10:56:00.006-04:00

And since I have nothing of great importance to write about lately (I've been in a funky, blue state) here we go with the iPod random shuffle list thing. I did 30 just to be different, and with music, more is better. :)

1. Nights in White Satin- Moody Blues (haunting and pretty at the same time)
2. I believe in Love- Dixie Chicks ( I do!)
3. Some Days are Better Than Others -U2 (some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy)
4. Break on Through- The Doors
5. Cry Me a River- Justin Timberlake (he's my guilty pleasure!)
6. Please forgive Me- David Gray
7. Drive in Drive out- Dave Matthews Band (one of my favorite live bands ever)
8. Runaway- Bon Jovi (now, where did I put my Aqua Net?)
9. White Trash Wedding, Dixie Chicks (this is a great song to request at weddings)
10. Bathwater - No Doubt
11. Got To Give It Up- Marvin Gaye (so grooovy)
12. Freedom '90- George Michael (remember the video with all the models and no George Michael? That was a big deal back in the day)
13. Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright (this version is my favorite. I have such a soft spot for Rufus.)
14. Red Rain- Peter Gabriel
15. Other Side of the World- K.T. Tunstall
16. Dancing Days- Stone Temple Pilots (from the Led Zepplin tribute album.)
17. Finale (from Harry Potter POA soundtrack) John Williams
18. I Am the Walrus- the Beatles (sitting in an English Garden waiting for the sun...)
19. Let's go Crazy- Prince (this song makes me dance around my kitchen like a nut)
20. Walk on the Ocean- Toad the Wet Sprocket.
21. Vertigo- U2
22. Ice Cream- Sarah Mclachlan
23. Music - Madonna
24. Turn it on Again- Genesis
25. Gossip Folks- Missy Elliot (I don't like alot of the newer rap, but Missy is one exception)
26. I'm Shipping Up To Boston- Dropkick Murphys
27. What's Up- 4 Non Blondes
28. Everlong- Foo Fighters (my favorite FF song. I love the video with Dave Grohl's big hand.)
29. Dancin in the Light- Entrain (fun East-Coast band!)
30. I want It All- Queen (I cannot stress this enough- Freddie's voice is amazing. There is no match for it.)

That's it! I don't know what it says about me, other than the fact my musical taste is completely all over the place.

Banging our heads against the wall.

2009-04-07T13:28:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, Noah's teacher (Mr. S.) called to let us know that Noah's been "increasingly difficult" in class. Not getting along with the other kids...throwing full-on raging hissy fits over relatively minor happenings, and being so nasty to one of his friends, that the teacher had to separate them. Mr. S. explained to Noah that he's pushing his friends away by acting like this. Noah's defense is that he's being bullied, and he gets so angry that he loses his cool and lashes out. I told Mr. S. that Noah has told me about the bullying in the past, and my advice to him was to not react like he does, because that's what is fueling the fire for these kids.

Mr. S. says he's not quite sure Noah is being truthful about all this bullying, because he said Noah overreacts and blows things up so much...like the boy who cried wolf. I agreed that Noah can and does overreact, but he does not lie, and told him of a few recent instances of the bullying. Mr. S. was not aware of these, and wondered why Noah didn't tell him about it. I said-" just because he didn't tell you, doesn't mean he's lying." He said he would investigate what I told him. Most of it, he went on to say, is the age...5th grade is tough and all that, and I understand, but what worries me most is that Mr. S. believes Noah is seriously lacking coping skills. I agree with him there. It's like he's so innocent, that he takes everything at face value. He has no "street smarts". He can't recognize when some one's being sarcastic in a mean way, (as kids are known to do ) and can't seem to understand when someone doesn't like him, or doesn't want to be his friend.

I let Mr.S. know that we have talked this through with Noah till we've been blue in the face, and that we feel at such a loss for what to do next. Counseling? More talk? what? I can only give him so much parental advice, and at this point, it seems like it's falling on deaf ears.

My husband and I spent a good amount of time last night going over what we could have done wrong. I feel like we broke our kid. It seems like before diabetes came into the picture, he was doing fine coping with life, he had school buddies and was generally a happy camper. We realized his diagnosis didn't change him...it changed us. We went from letting Noah be this free and easy little boy, to hovering over every move he made. I tried to make everything easy for him, because my thinking was that he had so much to adapt and adjust to already being a person with diabetes. I overcompensated and tried to make the days go smooth for him. I babied him too much. I didn't let him live and learn, like a kid is supposed to. My dad says a kid has to eat a little dirt sometimes. He's right.

So, after some mulling it over, I think some kind of counseling is the way to go. Now begins a search for someone who hopefully has some knowledge of Type 1...not that it's essential, but it may help.

Strange Coincidence or Something More?

2009-03-27T08:51:00.007-04:00

The Boston Channel

I have no way to embed this, so bear with me and click on the link above to view the video.

I saw this story on my local news last night, and I'm not surprised to learn about the large clusters of Type 1 diabetes in certain areas at all. I for one, don't think it's a coincidence that these kids are grouped together, and I absolutely believe that something in their environment has been the " type 1 trigger." What that is could certainly be different for Noah than for these kids, but I feel in my gut that it's always caused by something...it doesn't just happen out of nowhere. I'd love to know everyone's thoughts on this.

How I lost my temper

2009-01-29T09:37:00.008-05:00

I had a mini-meltdown the last time we visited the endo with Noah. I've been in and out of varying degrees of pissyness in the couple weeks since. The visit started normally enough. Check in. Weight and height. Hand over the meter. Small talk with the nurse and off to the room.
When the doctor came in, she told us that there was a problem with downloading the information from the meter...great. I have a log book for school, and one for home, and wouldn't you know it- the school book is in Noah's lunch box at home.
So we go into pump history, and scroll through all the BG history. As I'm reading the prior 2 weeks of blood sugars, the tears start welling up in my eyes for no reason. I push it away, and keep scrolling. There are obvious issues during certain times of the day that show up to the doctor as trends once it's all on paper.

Then, the questions start, and I feel like she's grilling me. Her line of questioning was completely normal, but to me, it felt like I was under a microscope being scrutinized to death. I struggled to keep it together.

My frustration reared it's ugly head when she asked me if I had any idea what could be causing Noah's lows before lunch. I quickly shot back, "I don't have a clue- your guess is as good as mine. I mean, really, what worked for us yesterday, doesn't work for us today. Why can't things just work they way the stupid formula says it's supposed to? I'm sick of being wrong all the time"!!!

Not pretty at all. The doctor just stared at me, and offered nothing. She contributed no words of comfort or support ,which I needed to hear so badly at that point. Instead, we just stumbled through the rest of the visit.

In the end, we got some good advice and words of encouragement from the department chief (who was fetched quite quickly after my bout of verbal diarrhea). Turns out, puberty is showing the first signs of life, and Noah's BMI has increased, making his insulin needs different. I don't know why these changes have bothered me so much this time, because in the past, they've always been taken in stride. Maybe I need to let go and chill a little. I can tell you , we won't be seeing that doctor again. Something about her manner makes me feel like I suck at life, and I don't need that every time I go there.

Take care of you.

2009-01-14T10:16:00.002-05:00

Playing house was something I did with the other little girls I grew up with, and we played for hours. I was always the "mom". I loved it, and looking back, I think that instinct of caretaker was something woven into the fabric of me from the start.

Being a wife and mother, and being good at it is something that's very important to me. I always worked full time, but when Noah was born, it was so hard for me to leave him with daycare every day. I cried most mornings during my commute, and most nights, I crept in to his dark room to lean over the crib to kiss my already sleeping baby good-night. I missed him terribly. I became a stay at home mom not long after Noah turned two.

I loved being home, and taking care of my family. It was fulfilling to me- just being there, ready to offer comfort, food, a laugh, or company whenever they needed me. To me, being needed meant I was important. I worked on decorating our first house. I crafted, painted, cooked, and threw parties. If Noah's class needed cupcakes for a party, I volunteered. A friend needed a babysitter? Me again. I earned the good- natured nickname "Martha Stewart" from my family, and made good friends in the neighborhood.

The most important thing I did not do? I didn't notice when my identity got right up, and quietly walked out the door.

I thought being a good caretaker meant giving every ounce of myself, or else it would make me look selfish. Therefore, I rarely did anything for me. It got even worse after Noah was diagnosed with T1, because this sense of "nobody can take care of him like me" swept over me like a hurricane. Diabetes naturally became the summit to the mothering mountain I climbed up and down every day.

Unfortunately, trying to be all things to everyone took a physical toll on me. My weight had always been an issue since before I got married, and it fluctuated every time a big life change came knocking. I didn't exercise regularly. I didn't eat anything that would be considered healthy. Pretty, girlie clothes were not something I would choose for myself. I opted instead for baggy, shape concealing sweats. I felt invisible, and rightly so, because that's kind of what I created for myself.

About a year and a half ago, after almost a decade of feeling blue, tired, and generally shitty all the time, I agreed to go with my friend to the gym. It was the first step to making some huge changes in my life. I got stronger, and more confident. I started to care about me for the first time in (I now realize ) my whole life. I learned it's okay to say no to some things. More importantly, I learned to say yes. Yes to new experiences. Yes to life.

Above all, I have learned that to be able to be the very best wife and mom I can be, I've got to be caretaker to myself first. After that, all the good things fall into place.

A holiday. A blackout. Another Holiday. One more holiday.

2009-01-12T14:30:00.003-05:00

My last post came just before Thanksgiving. A busy time of year for me and my family. I thought finding time or energy to blog would be rough, but I never intended to be absent for this long. Blogging blahs aside, I'm ready to put fingers to keyboard once again with a brief recap of major events since November 20.

Thanksgiving:
2 vegans and 8 meat-eaters here in my tiny dining room.
2 dogs and 2 cats running amok, too.
Yummy sake brought by brother in law (kanpai!).
Noah's blood sugars at near-perfection all day, despite all the delicious and savory food and sweets.
Guitar Hero until the wee hours...YOU ROCK!!

December 12-18, 2008:

Ice Storm overnight.
Woke up at 2:30 a.m. to the sound of the transformer on the pole across the street exploding.
No power anywhere in practically the whole state of New Hampshire.
My neighbor and I loaded our boys in the car and drove about 20 miles round trip for coffee.
The amount of downed trees and limbs and damage was just unreal.
Pretended to be "pioneer women", cooking on the grill, lighting a fire in the fireplace to stay warm, etc. It was fun...the first day.
By the next day with no power, a cold snap had settled in, and it was unbearable to spend any time in my home.
Luckily my aunt and uncle a few streets over have a generator, and my mother came to help me wrangle all the diabetes supplies, clothes and essentials I needed for us to spend the night over there.
That one night turned into 2.
Did I mention my husband is a Verizon guy? I didn't see him for days, on account of all the repairs they needed him for. Plus, he spent the nights in our house (yes, he's crazy!) because he had heard reports of people looting copper plumbing pipes out of homes that were vacant due to the outages.
On the 5th day without power, my mom who lives across town, got hers back!! We then moved in with her for 2 nights.
I returned to my home every day, so I could make sure our pipes hadn't frozen, or that no one broke in to steal the stockpile of Christmas goodies I had bought up until that point. On one visit, my house was 37 degrees inside.
On the 7th day, I called my neighbor to see how she and her family were hanging in there, and while we were on the phone, the lights came back on, and I hightailed it back home as fast as I could.

Christmas:
Christmas Eve was wonderful. The annual party at my cousin's home was filled with all our tales of survival during the outage, and how grateful we all were to have our power back.
Jinxed.
At about 3 a.m. on Christmas morning the power went out. again.
We made the best of it, and even without the lights of the tree, we did have a cozy fire in the fireplace to enjoy.
My father in law showed up with a portable generator~ Christmas Miracle~!!!
Noah wins the award for the most patient child in the Universe...he got a Wii, and had to wait until the power came back on at 4 p.m. to try it out.

New Year's Eve:
Snow all day.
We hosted my 2 brothers in law, their girlfriends, and a few good friends.
Got Chinese and Japanese food from the place that gives you free sake bombs while you wait.
We donned funny hats and played many raucous rounds of Pictionary Man, with lots of whoopin and hollering.
The girls won! (Marie Antoinette, suckah!)
Noah was allowed to stay up to ring in the New Year with the adults.
The rest of us stayed up way too late, drank and ate waaaay too much, and had a blast saying goodbye to 2008.

So, that's where the past couple months have gone. Thanks to Rebbecca for posting the comment that made me realize how long it's been!

D-boogeyman

2008-11-20T11:27:00.003-05:00

Noah told me he had a dream about someone coming into his room and setting his pump to give him a bunch of insulin. In the dream, he tested his blood sugar and watched as the numbers crept lower, and lower, until the last number he saw was a 5.

I asked him, "then what happened"? He replied, "I died".

I have to admit, it freaked me out so much that a chill ran through me. I thought to myself, "where the heck is this coming from, and what brought it on?" I asked him if he's worried about going low in the night, and maybe that's why he dreamed that, but he said "nah...you guys always protect me from everything".

Well, not everything, but we try.

A new day in America

2008-11-05T10:24:00.005-05:00

"This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America." - President Elect, Barack Obama.

Yes, history has been made. This campaign has been nothing short of extraordinary, and I am grateful for being able to cast my vote, and for participating in our Nation's unfolding history.

As a diabetes community, this time of transition is more important than ever for us to be active participants in raising awareness about all types of diabetes, and to let our new President know that our goals of education, advocacy, funding research and ultimately finding a cure for diabetes is of paramount importance. It's been proven that we can be heard. Our dedication to our cause can and will be recognized. November is Diabetes Awareness Month, and in just nine days, we will be celebrating World Diabetes Day. I implore us all to take the momentum of change and run with it, by writing, talking, and through our actions.

We have been witness to what can be done when you have a dream...an idea that is given a chance to flourish, and a desire for more than the status quo. It certainly is a new day.

I better not forget...

2008-11-03T11:37:00.004-05:00

Imagine what could happen!

Thanks to my mom for sending me this. Don't be like me. Get out there and vote!

One Day.

2008-10-16T12:37:00.004-04:00

Noah at Disney World, 2005

I had a dream last night that we were at Disney, and Noah didn't have his pump. Jon and I were frantic. We emptied the suitcases, and looked all over the hotel room, and Noah kept saying "I don't need it today. Today, we're in Disney, and there's no diabetes here."

Pretty weird dream, considering the fact that our family vacation in Disney in 2005, is the time I think about the most as our "BD time"(Before Diabetes). It was before the biggest change in our lives to date, and I think back to that time often. We were so blissfully unaware of what was about to hit us.

I've always said I wanted one of those dream interpretation books, so I can find the hidden meaning behind dreams. The meaning behind this one, I know is a no- brainer.

I want one more BD day.

If you could have one day with no diabetes- that's 24 hours free from testing, boluses, counting carbs, feeling the dizzying lows and headach-ey highs, tubing and syringes- how would you spend your time that day? What would you do? What would you eat? Would you go anywhere special? How do you think it would feel?

Abandon Ship?

2008-10-14T10:44:00.007-04:00

This subject has come up since day one, when the pediatrician sent us into Boston's Massachusetts General Hospital, we've been asked a million times since that day..."why not Joslin, aren't they the best"? My response is always the same "we went where they told us".

Sounds lame, but we were newbies in the world of type 1 diabetes, and being led on a medical leash was actually a welcome thing in a life that felt like it was spiraling out of control at that particular time 3 short years ago. MGH has been good to us. They taught us a lot. Got us through the "boot camp" phase of parenting and clinical care of a newly diagnosed type 1 child. We love the staff there, they are always available to call you back if there's a problem, and we are incredibly blessed and lucky in geography to be a stone's throw from some of the best medical facilities in the entire country. (wait for the big "but")...

BUT, It's an adjustment when the doctor we've been working with, and getting to know is suddenly gone. Being a teaching program, Noah's on his 4th doctor in 3 years. This past Friday, it happened again. When Noah's name was called, it was by yet another "new" doctor. Introductions and small talk were made as we snaked through the maze of hallways on our way to the exam room. Jon, Noah and I took a collective deep breath and entered .

She was nice enough, I'll give her that. But zero bedside manner, and to me- especially when the doctor is working with children- is a huge problem. As she rifled through tons of paperwork, looking for the one with Noah's pump history printed out on it, I could feel Jon tense up as he sat beside me. She positively grilled us, which is fine- we got a weird feeling from the manner with which it was done. Later, over lunch Jon and I would discuss how we felt like we were in trouble, sitting in the Principal's office , afraid to say the wrong thing that would surely result in detention.

I dunno, it just felt bad and uncomfortable. And they didn't DO anything. I feel like when we speak about certain issues or concerns, there's no feedback. It's frustrating because even though we've been in this life for three years,we know there's always something new to learn. That being said, don't you think some new information, or helpful advice would be offered up from time to time? yeah, I thought so too, but it doesn't happen there. It's situations like Friday, and the switching of doctors over the years that have us wondering if a change from MGH to Joslin might do us some good.

I've always been the kind of person that hates to rock the boat, I don't ever want to offend anyone, but this is my kid's health- heck, his LIFE, at stake here. Why not expect the best? Why not leave no diabetes stone unturned? As parents, I feel we shouldn't allow ourselves to get complacent. We're going to get the wheels in motion for the long overdue switch to Joslin. I'd welcome any advice on what to expect from those of you who have had to break ties with a doctor, or switched from one hospital to another.

On a side note, we had a really great time in Boston after the appointment was over. We did the Boston Duck Tours. It's one of those touristy things you have to do at least once. It was the perfect day for it, and it was educational and fun. Noah even got to steer the duck boat!

No laughing during Mass!

2008-10-06T15:05:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, the three of us sat in the pew as our pastor gave the few closing announcements after mass. A few rows up, and to the left, I noticed a boy, old enough to know better, with his finger knuckle-deep in his right nostril.
I turned toward Noah, and a horrified thought went through my head- if he sees that kid, it's all over, I'll never get him to stop giggling. How am I going to distract him?
I was too late. Noah's mouth hung open, watching the boy deposit his nose nugget into his mouth.
Nudging Noah with my elbow, I hissed "don't even..." as we both glared. That's when I lost it.
I made such an effort to not laugh. Every second that passed watching this kid was like torture. He just wouldn't stop. As I tried to hold in the snicker rising in my throat, a soft *snort*! escaped me. By now, Noah had tears streaming down his ruddy cheeks and our two sets of shoulders jerked freakishly up and down, as if pulled by some crazy puppeteer. My husband looked at us and moved two steps away, probably convinced that by doing so, he was telling the rest of the parishioners, "I don't even know who these crazy people are".

I won't be getting any awards for being a good influence this week!

We go to eleven.

2008-09-23T09:21:00.002-04:00

Sunday marked the anniversary of the day I married my best friend- the person who thinks this nerdy girl is cool, who loves so freely and honestly, and who is without a doubt the most supportive and giving person in my life.

Over these past eleven years, we have weathered storms and celebrated huge victories. Shared inside jokes, and personal pain. We've laughed till our stomachs hurt, cried till tears would no longer fall, and held each others hand as we walk together through the very bumpy terrain of life.

I wouldn't change one single moment.

The reality of it.

2008-09-19T11:10:00.005-04:00

Running away from the whole diabetes thing seems so appealing as of late. I'm sure anyone that's been affected by diabetes in it's many forms can commiserate with me. At around 4:30 the other morning, Noah crawled into bed with us, feeling low. Normally, I don't get worried when he's low- we just go through the motions of testing, juicing and re-checking in a robotic sort of way.

This time though, I could hear a whisper of fear in Noah's sleepy voice as my husband tested his blood glucose (it was tough even getting any blood...his fingers were so cold that morning) first once, only to get an error message, and then again. Not one to usually complain, Noah let down his guard down, and quietly exhaled, "I hate pricking my fingers"...

I hugged him close, and reassured him that it's okay to feel that way from time to time, and that we're so proud of him for putting up with all that he does every day.

Noah's frustration over that morning's testing didn't stay with him for long. He followed through with his day with his usual exuberance, and happiness that I love so much about him, but for me, that sinking sick feeling of not being able to "fix" my child wouldn't stop it's nagging. How I wish I could chase diabetes away, protect him from it, or take it on as my own. He never gets a break. His fingers and pump sites always hurt. He constantly has to plan, and put aside the spontaneity of youth. It worries me when the cracks in Noah's diabetes armor start to show. Even though it's been 3 years and counting, I still feel like like a diabetes newbie, and I don't always know the right things to say or do when it comes to helping him navigate life with d.

How do you push through the rough times?

Make your own!

2008-08-24T09:07:00.007-04:00

(click picture to make it bigger)
Wordle. Go there and be creative.

Yesterday at CVS

2008-08-01T13:48:00.002-04:00

Noah animatedly bounces ahead of me, the Tigger to my Pooh-Bear. "Mom, I need mouthwash", he says, brightly.

He grabs his brand as my hands are already full with a few womanly necessities (tampons?- check! razor blades?- TEN BUCKS!!).

Bounding ever further away, he rounds the corner by the pharmacy and stops at the display of the varied blood glucose meters on the shelf and pokes at the buttons.

I finally catch up, still grumbling to myself about the outrageous cost of personal hygiene products, and say to Noah jokingly, "looking to trade up"? We both laugh at our inside D-joke, as a man that was waiting nearby for his prescription interjects,"hey buddy- those aren't Game Boys" (chuckle, chuckle).

I saw a flash of red, and instantly calmed my instinct to snap, "thank you, but he knows that all too well". I smiled and bit my tongue.

Without missing a beat, Noah answered him with, "those are blood glucose monitors, and I'm type 1 diabetic- I have an insulin pump."

The man smiled kindly at Noah and replied "you are very lucky". (chuckle, chuckle again)

I honestly don't know why, but hearing him say that enraged me. LUCKY?! I wanted to scream, "sure, buddy!! If you think lucky is a fucking busted pancreas out of the blue at age six , lancing your fingers until they bleed 10 times a day, having to be woken out of a sound sleep to choke down a juice box, shots, long needles inserted into your ass for a site change every 2 days, cutting activities and recess and sleep -overs short because of site problems and crazy blood sugars, feeling like you're so different from everyone else even though everyone tells you you're not but you're 10 years old and no dummy, yeah if that's lucky, then he's the diabetic with the pot o' gold at the end of the fucking rainbow."

Instead, with my eyes full and shimmering in the fluorescence of CVS, I smiled in return and lied, "yes, he's very lucky"

Goodbye, Professor

2008-07-25T23:11:00.005-04:00

Even though I was not a student of yours, you taught me so much.

Is Barney in charge, here?

2008-07-24T09:47:00.003-04:00

We all love the Deltec Cozmo pump. It's super easy to use, and making adjustments is as simple as programming say, a cell phone.

In 26 months since the Florida Incident, we've had zero problems with the pump, until the other day Jon was doing a site change, and noticed a crack in the pump casing. It hasn't affected the way the pump works or anything, but we don't disconnect Noah for swimming, or the beach and that crack would let water in for sure.
I made the call to Smiths Medical, and arranged to have a replacement pump in slate grey sent here next day air.
It arrived yesterday and you would have thought Santa came early! Noah hopped around the kitchen while I undid the tape on the box to reveal...

A purple pump. wah-wah-waaaah.

I had to laugh, because Noah looked so comically offended. His face was a priceless mix of confusion and dibelief that the Cozmo people had overlooked the fact this pump was meant for a macho boy of 10. Even when I called customer service, the nice woman I spoke to chuckled, and said, "oh no, he got the "Barney Purple one"!

Much to Noah's relief, a new pump in a color more suitable to him is on it's way.

July in a flash.

2008-07-23T14:25:00.005-04:00

3 weekends ago...

The countdown to the preparations for Noah's 10th birthday was on. On that Saturday my mom volunteered to have him for a sleep over so Jon and I could shop for gifts, and have a long overdue date night. His BG had been running on the high side, and correction bolus after correction bolus came and went with not even a downward nudge. By 11 p.m., it was clear that his site was no good. My mom brought him home, and they made a plan for a re-do sleepover the next weekend. It was the first time I've seen Noah cry over his diabetes since his diagnosis, and it was a killer.

2 weekends ago...

We hit the ground running after Noah's endo appointment, and small get together at my grandfather's place to celebrate Noah's birthday on Friday, and picked up speed on Saturday for the 1st Annual New England Diabetes Meetup. Put together beautifully by Bernard , it was a wonderful experience. Jon and I learned alot, and met some incredibly smart, witty, and kind people. We got great advice about everything from diabetes camps to new technology. I can't wait to do it again! It just reinforced for us how amazing and caring this diabetes community is, and having that kind of support available is priceless.

Feeling the good D karma, Noah went off that night to my mom's for "sleepover, take 2". Huge success.

Sunday dawned bright and warm- perfect for the big birthday party. We got down to some fun with friends and family here. I made a ton of food- Jon was the master of the grill (and the master of flinging water balloons) and at the end of the day, our exhausted and excited boy said it was his "best birthday ever"!

1 weekend ago...

It's funny how the most recent of the past 3 weekends is the one that I can barely remember. It was pretty hot and humid, so I plodded through the weekend in a kind of stupor. Noah went blueberry and raspberry picking with my mom on Saturday, and brought back a TON of goodies. That boy can pick some darn good berries, and we've been feasting on these sweet jewels of yummy goodness since.

Sunday, we were off again! My mom, Jon, Noah and I hopped on the train for a trip to the Boston Garden to see Walking With Dinosaurs. We had a great time at this very interesting, educational, sometimes funny and a little scary look at the history and legacy of dinosaurs. We had some time to kill before our departing train, and took a little walking tour of Boston. We were conveniently located right near the New England Aquarium, and who can resist the faces of those cute little harbor seals? Off the four of us went. Being down by the water and breeze made the heat bearable.

Things kind of crumbled after that. To make a long story short, by the time we made it to Quincy Market, we were all hungry, thirsty, tired, had to pee, the temp was 90 with 100% humidity, and there was a thunder storm- forcing us and about 30 other sweaty tourists to cram into a glass vestibule outside the "Cheers" bar and wait it out. That train ride could not come soon enough!

The plan this weekend is to do absolutely nothing.

snapshot of a recent morning

2008-07-10T09:13:00.004-04:00

Noah got up early the other morning, eager to go to day camp. He hopped up into "his" chair at the breakfast counter. I made him his waffles, and cut up some fruit while he tested.

Like an old guy at bingo, he called out the number: "57"! and then, softly...

"I'm sorry".

"Whoa, dude- never, EVER apologize for a blood sugar, you got that?" I leveled my gaze at him, the way only moms know how to do, to emphasize the seriousness of my tone.

I went on, "unless you've been sneaking Nerds, and Everlasting Gobstoppers, washing it all down with a Wonka Bar, you do not have anything to be sorry about, ok"?

"Ok, mom" he chirped, as I plunked down his waffles.

It occurred to me that he's so eager to please, even with something he (or we) have such insignificant control over. Blood sugar does whatever the hell it wants, even in the best of circumstances. It stung to hear his apology. I hope I set his thinking straight. I hate the thought of him feeling like it's his fault.

A puddle of tears.

2008-07-09T15:22:00.006-04:00

There's something about those Disney and Pixar animated movies that , for the better part of 3 decades have reduced me to a sniffling, blubbery, crying mess. I distinctly remember going to see The Fox and The Hound when I was a little girl. I was inconsolable for 2 days.

The opening sequence of The Lion King, with all the animals trickling in, and that music...like a chant at first, then swelling to a crescendo as Mufasa shows off Simba for the first time. How could something made of ink and paint fill me with such emotion?

Or, when Dory begs Marlon not to leave..."I look at you...and I'm home. Please, I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget."

We went to see WALL-e for Noah's birthday on Monday. I cried at the beginning, During the middle and at the end. I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, so I will just say that it is very cute and funny (kids and adults will love it), but there's a couple of really deep messages in this movie that got to me in a way that a movie hasn't done in a long time. It had me digging around my purse for a Kleenex, crying a puddle of tears. Go see it. You'll love it.

Ten

2008-07-07T05:26:00.003-04:00

It seems like just yesterday, I counted to ten.

Ten little perfect fingers and ten tiny, wrinkled toes.

How could that precious life I could hold in the crook of one arm grow so fast?

Ten years of birthday cakes. Blue's Clues, Harry Potter, Star Wars.

It's gone by in a flash.

Ten years of milestones.

Funny faces, skinned knees, croup, making friends, hugs & kisses, bedtime prayers, time-outs, first days of school, talks at the table, days at the beach.

Ten years, and I'm amazed by the person Noah is growing into. He is silly and serious. Compassionate and crazy. Loving, trusting, eager to learn, and wickedly smart.

Ten years ago today, as I held my newborn Noah, I could only imagine the kind of person he was to become. My imagination pales in comparison to the awesome kid Noah is.

I can only imagine what the next ten years will bring.

Frozen with fear.

2008-06-06T12:22:00.002-04:00

My way home from the gym takes me through the center of town, past Noah's school. Every day, as I drive by, I say a little prayer for a good day for my son. I think about him and hope he's doing OK. Like the movie Groundhog Day, the routine doesn't change. I go home the same way, see the same familiar homes, and make the same wish. Every day.

Today, it was the lights of the ambulance I saw through the rain, as I made my way up the hill towards the school. As it sped toward me, I pulled over and at once my shaking hand went to my gym bag to fish out my cell. My mind was reeling.

It was coming from the direction of school.

Oh God, please don't let it be Noah.

Where's that damn phone.

My searching hand found it's target. I hit the button on the front of my LG to see the familiar picture, and no messages. For good measure I flipped it open and called my home voice mail too. Empty. Thank you, God.

I was completely pulled off the road by now. I put the car in park and wept with my forehead on the steering wheel. The feeling of helplessness and panic that overcame me when I saw those lights was replaced by relief. After a minute, I lifted my head and saw I had pulled over right in front of Noah's school.

I said a little prayer for a good day for my son, and drove home.

Cool little product found in my local Wal-Mart.

2008-06-02T14:23:00.006-04:00

Wal-Mart is a necessary evil in my life. I despise that place, yet I found myself there recently.

On a Saturday afternoon.

The plan was to get in (just TRY to block out that screaming 3 year old), pick up a few much needed things (toilet paper and sunblock!), and get the hell out (check-out lines stretched all the way to the Mass. border) with my sanity intact and maybe with some gas money to spare.

That's when, with my hands full, Noah begged me to go down the aisle with the "beach stuff". Juggling our loot, and with the check out in full view, I sighed heavily, and bid adieu to a quick getaway. "On to the beach stuff", I wearily exclaimed.

Amid the insane amount of swimmies, sand-castle making buckets and shovels, and a gazillion towels emblazoned with Iron Man and Hannah Montana, were these cool little things:

They are meant to protect your keys, ID, cash, or small cell phone from water at the beach or boating. I tend to D-purpose items not specifically created for diabetes, (Noah wears his pump in a cell phone case at night)and saw this case as the perfect place to stash some strips and meter. Although nifty, it's not very big, so I bought 2. They do sell bigger versions of these at places like EMS- I got my dad one for kayaking- but at just under $2.oo apiece, these were a great bargain.

Even if I did have to go to the 7th level of hell to get them.

Beachy Keen

2008-05-29T14:03:00.004-04:00

I would have posted this sooner, but i have been too burnt/recovering/busy/tired up until now-it's like the first time I've sat down in a week!

On Memorial Day, my mom, Jon, Noah and I went to the beach for the very first time this season (as evidenced by Noah's kind of pasty complexion). It was the most amazingly perfect weather that day. Warm, but not too warm. Windy, blue, bright, salty and sandy.

As an added bonus, the Cozmo held strong through all the digging, boogie boarding, and salty water flung it's way, and we had no problems getting back into our old D-beach routine.

Friday Meme.

2008-05-16T08:30:00.004-04:00

I've been tagged by the very sweet and hilariously funny, Shannon.

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird, random, facts, habits and goals.

1. I worked as a 411 operator for 8 years, and at that job, I got to hear people chewing food in my ear, peeing into the toilet, screaming at the top of their lungs, etc. and, I was called every nasty name in the book. It's amazing how awful people will treat someone when they know they're somewhat anonymous.

2. One of my goals is to become very fit. I want to become a runner- one day making it to the Boston Marathon. Currently, I run at a speed of 6.3 for about 30 seconds for every 10 minutes of walking on the treadmill. So by age 55 or so I should be ready for the starting line.

3. When I was little, after seeing Jaws for the first time, I was paranoid just taking a bath. Even weirder, Jaws is now my favorite movie.

4. I have been mugged. I was living in my first apartment in a crappy part of town, and was approached in broad daylight while walking home from work, punched a couple times in the face, and my jewelry was yanked from around my neck and fingers.

5. One of my favorite things to do is visit Open Houses. I'm not looking for a new home, I have Nosy-Neighboritis. I also love to be in the car at night, and catch a glimpse of the inside of people's houses while riding by. I swear I'm not a stalker- I just like to see your cabinets and decor.

6. When Noah was born, the nurse and doctor at the hospital were giving us our instructions for care before we went home.
Give him a sponge bath - check.
Put diaper cream on - check.
Apply alcohol to the belly button - check.
When we got to the part about the circumcision, I asked "do you put alcohol on that, too?" My husband and the doctor both looked at each other in shear horror, hands automatically dropping protectively to their crotches, as though I threatened to dip their own junk into hot lava... "dear God, no! Whatever you do, don't do that!"

In my defense, 4 days prior I went through 10 hours of labor, 2 hours of pushing to no avail, a scary and urgent c-section, and a morphine drip that I seriously considered smuggling from the hospital. Cut me some slack.

7. I have saved every card, note and letter from my husband.

8. One day, I hope to get the nerve to sing on stage. I've always wanted to be like Ann Wilson from Heart.

9. About a year after High School, my friend Danyel and I got the crazy idea to move to Florida. We crammed my '80 Honda Civic hatchback with as much junk as we could fit, and drove. Our first stop on the way was in Delaware.
We stayed in a place that reminded me so much of the Bates Motel, I would not shower there. I'm convinced there may have been a murder in our room at one point, as there was a large, ominous, dark amoeba-like stain on the ancient carpet. Our night consisted of sitting half asleep in our beds, afraid to come into contact with the bed linens, as a mouse ate through every ounce of food that we brought with us. We went back to Massachusetts the next day.

10. I have a huge goal...I want to live in Ireland one day. Even if it's just for a couple years or so. I love it there.

Members of the OC, I tag you - It's Friday, do a meme! :)

My Mother's Day Surprise

2008-05-12T13:56:00.005-04:00

Me & my girlie cruiser.

Noah told me he and my husband miss me when they go on their bike rides, and now I won't be left out!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday!

Talking Type 1

2008-05-06T09:52:00.003-04:00

Find more videos like this on Tu Diabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes

During our meeting in Boston with Manny and Andreina from TuDiabetes, Noah gave a little interview on the Swan Boats. He talks about life with Type 1 diabetes.

We spent the day on a movie set.

2008-05-01T09:54:00.005-04:00

It's not as exciting or glamorous as the title suggests. This vacation week, we've planned little day trips, and yesterday Noah chose to visit his perfect paradise - the Lego Store at the Burlington Mall (in MA).

We entered the mall through Macy's and it felt like a Twilight Zone episode as the realization crept up on us slowly, that everything surrounding us was dripping with Christmas Decorations. What the...!?!?!

Then we saw the sign:

It was really cool to see a little bit of Hollywood magic, even though we didn't see much action or any celebrities.

Oh, and on a health care/ diabetes note:
Look what they had on the wall in the restroom. I had never seen one outside of the doctors office, and thought it was really cool that it was available to people.
Maybe it's because I have a public bathroom phobia and try not to visit them unless it's a dire emergency, but this is new to me! (And maybe a little too exciting- I mean, I took a picture of the thing! )

Discreet But Never Ashamed

2008-04-29T10:26:00.005-04:00

Yesterday, I had the perfect opportunity to reinforce some diabetes care etiquette to Noah. Being the first day of spring vacation, and of course it was raining (still is), we went to a really cool place nearby to paint ceramics. We picked out our pieces. Noah chose a sushi plate and I went with a simple bowl. The place was busy and we were lucky to grab a spot, so we sat down and got creative. I knew from the past that during slower times, they don't mind if you bring a snack or light lunch to enjoy while you paint, but seeing how busy it was, I decided to ask if it was ok for Noah to eat his lunch at the table.

I approached one of the ladies working there, and discreetly but with confidence, explained that Noah has type 1 and it would be wonderful if they could help us adhere to our schedule by allowing him to eat at the table.

(Just to clarify, I'm not looking for extra special treatment. I was prepared to leave and come back after lunch time if it was a problem, but it doesn't hurt to ask. "No" is not the end of the world.)

She told us it was no problem, and smiled kindly as she told us, "you eat whatever and whenever you need to" . cool!

So we sat, painted and talked. While Noah waited for his design to dry, he pulled out his lunch bag and test kit. And yes, while the lady and her kids at the table next to us stared open-mouthed, their activity screeched to a halt, he tested his blood glucose.

He's so comfortable testing in public, he sometimes lets it all hang out, bloody fingers and all, and I have to remind him to keep it discreet. I've explained that some people don't care for the sight of blood and needles, so he should think of others feelings. I've also explained to him that even though he should take steps to shield blood from public view, that in no way ever, should he be ashamed of testing in public.

His obliviousness to the stares from the adjacent table shows me that he is confident and that he knows there's no shame in taking care of his Type 1, no matter where or when he needs to test.

I love...

2008-04-24T14:22:00.004-04:00

I got this over at Jillians. :) The rules: Make a list of your loves. The only catch? You can’t include a single person you know on your list. No “I love the way my husband laughs” or “I love hearing my little girl call for me.” It’ll be tough, I know. But this particular little exercise is about stripping away everyone who defines you and figuring out what you (not his partner; not their mother/daughter/sister/friend) love.

I love everything about the beach.

I love lying on the floor under the Christmas tree.

I love a good cup of coffee (hot and iced).

I love consistently normal blood sugars.

I love Converse All Star sneakers.

I love maki sushi.

I love old buildings and architecture.

I love a warm cat to cuddle with.

I love learning to knit and crochet.

I love helicopter pods that fall from trees.

I love a good joke.

I love painting my toenails.

I love random acts of kindness.

I love wasabi peas.

I love singing and dancing.

I love rain on the roof at night.

I love driving with the windows down and the radio up.

I love ugg slippers.

I love flossing.

I love clean crisp sheets and down comforters.

I love baking.

I love Stephen King books.

I love Hello Kitty.

I love vintage Pyrex vessels.

I love Ireland.

I love food cooked on the grill.

I love to organize.

I love a good cry.

I love the song "Here Comes the Sun"

TuDiabetes crew in Boston!!

2008-04-24T08:10:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, my husband Jon, myself and Noah, had a chance to meet up with Manny and his wife, Andreina (the founders of TuDiabetes and the Diabetes Hands Foundation) And Bernard, a fellow Type 1 blogger.

We met Manny and Andreina at their hotel, and after introductions, it was a non-stop flurry of excited conversation about anything and everything. It felt like talking with old friends that we'd known for years.

We decided to go see the Public Gardens (Swan Boats!) and on our way, we saw this:

Zero carb cupcakes?? They will either be a miracle or taste nasty. Off we went across the street to check it out.

I paused to take that picture while everyone else headed into the shop. In a split second, they came filing back out, laughing. " T-SHIRTS"!, they said. Well, that's one way to offer a zero carb, zero fat cupcake- omit cupcake and replace with t-shirt.

When we got to the gardens, and it was beautiful- everything was starting to bloom, and we took a ride on the Swan Boats, where Noah recorded his very first video interview with Manny. Noah thought it was super cool to be interviewed, and was happy to be on camera.

Bernard found his was to us in the park, and it was so cool to see the bond that he and Manny have. I introduced him to Noah as "the gadget man" - he showed Noah his CGMs (yes, 2 of them!) and how they worked. He really knows his stuff, and we plan to see him again at one of the pumpers meetings in MA sometime soon.

We all continued to walk and fall back into that easy conversation, and it hit me that here we were- this group of people plucked from different places geographically, but with a common bond that makes us instantly understand each other through Type 1. A mixed blessing, but a blessing nonetheless.

We stopped for a quick coffee and had to say goodbye to Manny and Andreina - I think we made them late for a meeting. (sorry guys!) We got a chance to chat a bit longer with Bernard about family, life and diabetes.

I am proud and happy to have met the most warm, friendly, smart, and caring people yesterday-we made some incredible new friendships, and Noah was given a chance to learn from people who don't just live with diabetes, but thrive with it.

Great News!!

2008-04-21T09:49:00.006-04:00

Noah was part of a project last year to raise awareness about diabetes called "Word In Your Hand". About a month ago, our friend Manny Hernandez, founder of TuDiabetes.com, asked if Noah's image from that project could be used in an awareness/advertising campaign with LifeScan, makers of OneTouch glucose meters. Today is the very first day of that campaign.

Click to watch the video (Noah is pictured early on, and his hand word is stress) http://onetouchdiabetes.com/sharing.html

This news comes in tandem with the exciting announcement of a partnership between TuDiabetes and OneTouch which is explained in detail here.

I'm super excited about this- not only because Noah is a part of it, but because it will help bring more people with diabetes to a wonderfully helpful, educational and vibrant community.

Randy Pausch

2008-04-17T10:07:00.003-04:00

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things."-Professor Randy Pausch

Last week, my husband and I watched as Diane Sawyer interviewed Randy Pausch on TV. He's a professor of computer science at Carnegie Mellon who delivered his "last lecture" called Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, in September 2007.

I had never heard this man's name before. I almost changed the channel but something stopped me. Maybe it was the video of him playing with his daughter...her two tiny feet planted safely in his palm as he balanced her precariously on an outstretched arm, as they both laughed.

So I kept watching. Turns out Randy has terminal pancreatic cancer, with maybe 6 months of good health remaining. In the footage they showed from his lecture, he talked about it openly but briefly, and with a tone of hope and strength. Not despair. I was instantly drawn in by that sense of strength, his dedication to his family, and his humor.

After watching the show, I went on YouTube to see the lecture in it's entirety, and came away with a new attitude and game plan towards the many challenges in my own life. I approach Noah's diabetes-related hills and valleys in better stride now. I try to acknowledge the bad and move on instead of dwelling on it, and I hope Noah will follow that example and learn in his own way. Not giving so much voice to fear has made my whole family happier. I try to remember Randy's brick wall statement as a sort of mantra, and it has given me motivation in times when giving up was a much easier and more appealing road.

If you have a little time to spare, listen to this amazing guy speak. His exuberance for really living life is contagious.

Dear Noah,

2008-04-16T08:28:00.006-04:00

Thank you for my breakfast this morning! It was so thoughtful and special of you to make coffee and pick out the perfect granola bar. I'm such a lucky mom. Don't grow up, ok?
Love & Kisses,
Mom

Raise Your Voice for Type 1 Diabetes

2008-04-14T10:21:00.004-04:00

Noah's diagnosis day is a blur. Sure, I can go back through loads of paperwork to find the exact day, but off the top of my head I don't know the exact date of diagnosis. I think it's better that way. It's not a happy occasion, like a birthday or wedding anniversary. It's a day I'd love to bury in the back of my mind. Impossible. It's the day I thought my child would be taken from me. It's the day that a cloud of despair fell dark and heavy over our lives. Yes, most details of that day are fuzzy- but a few stand out clearly in my memory and if I close my eyes, it's like watching it replay on a movie screen...

Spring, 2005

In the morning Noah is crying. He comes into my room and tells me he's wet the bed again. It's the third time this week.

More, water please mom? I'm so thirsty.

Our good friend mentions the word diabetes, after we told him that Noah's been having accidents. I call the doctor the next day and we go in for tests.

The pediatrician calls us early in the morning, telling us to go directly to Boston, and that Noah will be in good hands.

Sitting in the cafeteria, all I could do was stare at Noah's hospital bracelet.

I bought a notebook at the gift shop, and filled it that day. I still have it.

The realization of what we were up against when they tested Noah's blood sugar the first time. He didn't just cry. He flipped out. It was too much for a little kid. It was too much for us. I wanted to scoop him up and run away.

I didn't cry.

That's what I remember most about that time. I was too busy learning and doing what would keep Noah alive and well and healthy.

I remember another day, too. A better day. The day when I realized that we are doing all right by our son. It was in the summer. Mere months after his diagnosis, and I overheard him explaining diabetes to one of his cousins. "I wish I didn't have it, but it's no big deal", he said.

The tears finally came, and with them came a kind of peace - a knowledge that everything would be ok. That diabetes is strong and stubborn, but it is no match for what we can dish out.

Feelin' Good

2008-04-10T11:34:00.008-04:00

MB on the big screen

Tuesday night, my mom and I went to that Michael Buble concert I mentioned before. We had a blast. He puts on an awesome show, and is so funny, charming, and totally dreamy.

Too bad the guy next to us didn't think so.

We had seats on the floor with a nice view of the stage. Because we were early getting settled in our seats, we struck up a conversation with a very nice woman sitting next to my mom. We shared stories about different trip we've all taken, and concerts we've been to. The woman's husband joined her while we were talking, and the opening act came out. He ended up switching seats with his wife and was next to my mom at that point.
The opener was a group of guys called "Naturally 7". They were really amazing and talented singers, in addition to that though, they "played" all the instruments with their voices. One guy did the drum sounds, another guy did bass, etc. it was incredible!! They got a deserved and crazy loud standing ovation. (check out the video below)

Once their set was over, there was a short pause, and the lights came up. That's when he started- they guy next to my mom. He was in a near-rage: "what was that crap?... Oh, boy...was that crap!... I will NEVER see a Michael Buble concert again if this is the kind of nonsense he's going to open with...I couldn't even understand a word".

My mom and I just looked at each other, astonished. Picture this guy- head on a swivel, shouting his displeasure to anyone within earshot, and NOBODY agreeing with him. ha!! He went on like that for what seemed like an eternity, finally dropping down to a grumble.

Michael Buble took the stage, and Mister Nastypants actually cracked a half-smile: "THAT'S more like it".

Michael sang a couple of songs, then addressed the crowd in his charming way:
"How's everyone doing tonight? How'd you all like Naturally 7? Weren't they great?"

We all cheered our approval, and then in that instant during a quiet lull, our guy yelled in a booming voice that no doubt carried over the heads of the crowd, right up to the stage:
"THEY SUCKED!"

We and everyone around us were completely horrified, and I felt so badly for his wife- the nice and pleasant woman we enjoyed talking to earlier was obviously embarrassed. She had been so excited to see this show, and her husband was putting a black mark on that for her. Poor lady. They ended up leaving halfway through the show.

We didn't let Mister Nastypants ruin it for us, and had an awesome time! We even ran down the center aisle for the encore, and got super close. I got a nice bit of video but it's stuck on my phone!

Mom & Me waiting for MB

Here's the viedo of the opening act, Naturally 7. That heckler guy was off his rocker.
So incredibly cool! Naturally 7:

Spring Dream

2008-03-28T12:19:00.004-04:00

I dream of sitting in the sun, letting it warm my face and paint my skin rosy.

I long to throw open windows with aplomb and enjoy the tranquil dance of wind and curtain.

I crave the breathtaking magenta pop of cherry blossoms on my gorgeous tree.

I desire the enjoyment of lounging in the driveway with a good book, and invisible bicycle circles traced 'round me.

I need to hear the bright peals of laughter from play on a warm spring afternoon.

9 days into spring

Faith and Science

2008-03-27T20:27:00.006-04:00

Most of us have heard this recent news story about parents choosing prayer instead of medical treatment. It was a topic of our dinner conversation tonight. I believe in the power of prayer, but as my husband put it, you have to pray and have faith but "meet God halfway". It reminds me of a story I 've heard alot over the years:

A flood came and a man had to climb onto the roof of his house. As the waters rose a neighbor in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof, "the Lord will save me." Then a firefighter appeared in a speedboat. "Climb in!" shouted the firefighter. "No," replied the man on the roof, "The Lord will save me." A helicopter appeared and the pilot shouted that he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof, "the Lord will save me." Eventually the man drowned and went to heaven, where he asked God why He hadn't helped him. "I sent a neighbor, a firefighter, and helicopter," said God. "What more do you want?"

I can't imagine the pain and sorrow these parents must be going through, but if there ever was a time for prayer, it's now.

I have a date.

2008-03-25T18:14:00.004-04:00

My mom got us tickets!!! He's so dreamy...
I know, I sound like I'm 12.

Everything was going so well.

2008-03-18T09:44:00.002-04:00

Something major is going on, but I'm so afraid to post about it. It has to do with a problem at school, but I don't want to get certain people in trouble. You never know who's reading. All I can say is there is someone giving us shit about in class testing.

I never expected to hit such a roadblock, especially with the effort so many people have put into making testing as safe as possible.

It's being taken care of, but man am I angry and hurt.

You know that song...

2008-03-12T10:22:00.002-04:00

...Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low...

All the kids are listening to that song these days so it's only natural that it's running through my head like a soundtrack since last night when Noah's blood sugars dropped and refused to come up. Between 9 pm and 1 this morning, this is what he went through.

71-juice

74-juice and glucose tabs

51- juice and a packet of smartees

He finally came up to a reasonable number and was able to get some sleep, but it was a weird and unexpected trend and completely out of the blue. He usually flies a bit on the high side after treating a low, so for it not to come up was frustrating. I'm so thankful he is aware of his lows - that is something positive I can at least hang on to, because it's easy to get discouraged in dealing with these unexplainable happenings of this disease.

Revisiting the Past

2008-03-10T13:11:00.005-04:00

I was in Target last week in the book section, not looking for anything in particular. I picked up a random book here and there, scanning the back cover quickly and putting it back when my hand hovered over: "Please Stop Laughing at Me..." by Jodee Blanco. The words "...school bullying..." on the cover immediately rang true for me. I sucked in a breath of nervous air and picked it up and opened to somewhere in the middle.

I might as well have been reading from my journal from when I was 12. So much of what Jodee writes about in this book happened to me too. She told of kids cramming fist fulls of snow into her mouth...for me it was playground wood chips. She had cruel notes passed to her during class, as did I. The similarities took me back to a time in my life that I so desperately would love to forget but that I think about way too often. As I read the book over this past weekend, I thought of my sweet son. Only 9, but bullied far too much already.

When Noah was first diagnosed with Type 1 in 2005, he was on injections and flew under the "weirdness radar" so to speak. He went to the nurse for everything, and the kids in his class were none the wiser. He was well liked and had friends in school.

Last year he went on the pump. For us it was a step up to tighter control of blood glucose, and more freedom for Noah. For the kids at school it put Noah in a new category and labeled him weird. They had visual proof that he was not like everyone else. Bullying started. I know kids are afraid of what they don't know, and as a result tend to make fun as a means to cope. They didn't tease him about the pump, or diabetes though. It was as if that one little difference caught their attention, and that's all it took, really. They got on his case about anything and everything. From the sneakers on his feet to telling him "your parents don't even love you". A few kids on the bus threatened him daily. One boy went so far as to tell Noah he was going to shoot him in the head with his bow and arrow.

The stress of it all got to Noah. His grades suffered, and he became an emotional mess but more importantly his blood glucose was all over the place. (It's well known stress can wreak havoc on blood sugars). It broke my heart and my husband was livid. This kid who was so easy going, and never once complained about going through the changes of being a person with Type 1 was showing some major cracks in his armor. It eventually eased up but we had to do some ranting in the process. After realizing this was more than a boys will be boys thing, we worked with the school and they helped in a huge way. I'm grateful for that. When I was a kid being bullied right in front of the recess monitors while they smoked their Parliament 100's and did nothing was the norm. You were labeled a tattletale back then if you made so much as a peep.

I'm glad for the chance to go back and revisit how I felt as a kid in school. One thing Jodee's book made me realize is that I hang on to those insecurities and fears way too much for a 34 year old. What kind of example am I setting? At some point I have to get over it and believe in ME...not other people's view of me. I know that Noah will look to me for cues in how to handle bullying and other struggles in his life, and that I'll have to make good on my own advice.

Diabetes in the jungle.

2008-02-26T10:14:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was the first day of spring (ha!) vacation, and Noah picked what he wanted to do- visit the Lego store.

Legos are his ultimate favorite toy ever. His imagination just goes crazy with them, and he can put together the coolest things. Plus, it's way better than sitting around playing video games all day, so off we went down to Massachusetts to a mall way nicer than our regular mall, 45 minutes away.

You can see how cool the Lego place is...

I planned on taking him to the Rainforest Cafe for lunch as a surprise. They sat us down, and we passed the time looking at the fish in the huge fish tank right by our seat, and discussing the environment. A half hour went by, and still no server. I didn't realize it right away, because we were having such a nice time just hanging out together. I let someone know, and the manager came over and couldn't have been nicer- apparently we were sat at a table that they don't normally use. Normally, I would have been pretty angry and probably would have walked out, but this mishap afforded Noah and me a time to hang out, have a nice conversation and really connect as mother and son.

Our server (who was so super nice) noticed Noah entering a bolus into his pump. She said "oh, you have a pump! my sister has a pump, too - cool".

Noah beamed and got all excited to show off his pump, and so we struck up a conversation about pumping and diabetes, and you could tell Noah was just so happy to make that connection. It was especially cool to have a waitress plunk down a big dessert (free of charge because of the mix up) and say "dude, you're going to have to do a BIG bolus for this one".

Stranded and rescued, all before 9 a.m.

2008-02-21T10:39:00.002-05:00

Snow is coming, and in New England you know what that means: get your ass to the grocery store a.s.a.p., and beat down all the little old ladies to stock up on milk and bread.
I decided to go early and avoid the crowd. I got front row parking! woot! As I shopped, my stress level was zero. No line at the deli. No screaming kids. I practically had the store to myself. Awesome.
I smiled and headed to the checkout and then home...
except when I got to my car, there were my keys sitting neatly on the passenger seat, next to my gloves.

crap.

Thankfully, my husband dropped everything and came with fob in hand to resuce me. (We tried that thing where you hold the fob to the phone and press it while the locked-out person hold their phone up to the car- urban myth or whatever- I felt like a fool.)

He is the best! Thanks babe!

Now that I've had a cup of coffee, and gotten my head together, I can relax with the Crazy Eights meme from Kerri

8 Things I’m Passionate About.
1. My family.
2. Love.
3. knitting and crocheting.
4. Music.
5. diabetes education and advocacy.
6. the beach.
7. good books.
8. cooking.

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die.
1. Live in Ireland.
2. Sing and act on stage.
3. Become a photographer.
4. Run the Boston Marathon.
5. Face my fears.
6. Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity.
7. Ride in a hot air balloon.
8. Visit Japan.

8 Things I Say Often.
1. "I want to go back to bed."
2. "Do you have your kit?."
3. "double-ewe tee eff?."
4. "Love ya, baby"
5. "hey sugar."
6. "Aw duuude."
7. "That is the shizz!"
8. "Hurry up, or you'll miss the bus!"

8 Books I’ve Read Recently.
1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows J.K. Rowling
2. Some James Patterson book about a beach ...I didn't like it.
3. The Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer
4. Never Give Up by Tedy Bruschi and Michael Holley

Since I've been learning to knit and crochet, I've been reading less. I'll catch up when I'm on the beach in a few more months!

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over.
1. One - U2
2. Everlong- Foo Fighters
3. Paul Revere- Beastie Boys
4. Ants Marching- Dave Matthews Band
5. Barracuda- Heart
6. Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright
7. Jambalaya (On the Bayou)- Harry Connick Jr.
8. Shoes- Kelly

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends.
1. They always have my back.
2. They bring the funny.
3. They're not fake or phony.
4. They're forgiving.
5. They are like family.
6. They are kind-hearted.
7. They are fun to be with.
8. They are understanding.

People I Think Should Do Crazy 8s.
1. Anyone! It's fun :)

by the way, my spell checker feature isn't working here on Blogger. Anyone else having that problem?

Hug someone you love.

2008-02-14T09:11:00.004-05:00

Last night, we watched Super Nanny. Yes, we watch crappy reality shows. Don't judge me, ha! ;)

The mom on the show was completely clueless and devoid of emotion with her kids. It seemed like she gave up on being a mother. It was pretty painful to watch her flounder and literally hide from her children during the day, to avoid interacting with them.

So, one of the kids on the show, her 12 year old daughter, says she can't remember the last time her mother hugged her.

My husband and I just looked at each other with tears in our eyes. We spent the remainder of the show talking about how we couldn't imagine not hugging Noah or interacting with him. In the end, the mother came around, but it was so heartbreaking. It made me wonder about what that does to a child's self esteeem in the long run.

So, not only on Valentine's Day, but every day- show the people in your life how much you love them. Throw your arms around them and squeeze!

NyQuil Haiku

2008-02-08T11:45:00.000-05:00

The plague has hit me

sweet relief in a small cup

down the hatch and...sleep

Yep. Sick with a cold that has me feeling exactly like those people in the commercial that have huge inflated balloons for a head. The perfect frosting for the shit cake that has been this week.

This pretty much sums it up:

(warning- offensive language. usage of words like clusterfuck, New York, Manning,
etc.)

have a great weekend everyone... ;)

Fill er' up.

2008-02-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

I have always been a "glass half empty" person. Sometimes, the smallest inconvenience can send me into a crying, shouting frenzy of panic and anger. So not cool.

I realize that's not the best way to live, so recently, I have been on a personal quest to learn to chill, and enjoy life to the fullest. So many things have happened in the past couple years that make life appear as less enjoyable, never ending drudgery. Learning to adjust my thinking - not to automatically assume or expect the worst in life has been tough. It's as if it's engrained into us as a society that bitching and moaning about life is more acceptible than loving life. That somehow, if you're truly happy and you want to share that with others, you're a fake and a phony. I'm beginning to see that is the furthest thing from the truth.

What I'm finding out, is that it's imperative to my well-being and that of everyone around me, to be enthusiastic, content, adventurous and fearless. That in becoming a "glass half FULL" person, I will bring that fullness into all areas of my life, and to all the people I care about. Like emotional osmosis.

We'll all be able to handle whatever comes our way- whether it includes combatting type 1, the rising cost of gas, impending teenage angst...it will all be embraced with optimism and a knowledge that it will make me, him & us stronger.

How did the accident happen?

2008-02-05T11:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, as I stood in my kitchen chugging water after just getting home from the gym, the phone rang.

My stomach did a little flip-flop when I glanced at the caller ID, and saw the school nurse's number on the screen.

Apparently my son thinks he's Evel Knievel and fell off the monkey bars while doing a "stunt". The nurse said that even though the cut on his ear was not large, it was still bleeding , and was deep enough to possibly warrant a suture.

Why do these things always happen when I'm completely disheveled??- at least I wasn't still in my pajamas. I showered (barely) and ran to collect my son. He was grinning from ear to ear as he told me of his incredible acrobatics, and the patch of ice that foiled his perfect landing off the monkey bars.

I tried calling the doctor's office, while simultaneously driving there, and they were at lunch. Noone was in the office (how can that be??) so my only option was to just show up.
We ended up in the waiting room for an hour. :P

Our doctor patched him up...no stitches were needed. He asked Noah how the diabetes was going , and if he liked his pump- and that was it. Took all of 5 minutes. He has some steri-strip tape holding it closed , and he can't get it wet for 4 days. I'm wondering how he'll wash his hair?

I'm glad he's okay, and it wasn't a broken bone or something. His sense of humor is completely intact, as evidenced by his comment on the way home:

"I'm like Van Gogh, now."

Tom Petty was cool...

2008-02-04T10:36:00.000-05:00

I'm so bummed. My Patriots lost, but I am and will always be a devoted fan. I love my team. Till next season, guys.

I blame the red sweatshirt.

Slacker and the big mistake

2008-01-30T13:31:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's been quite a while since my last post here. Alot has happened since then.

The Patriots won the AFC Championship, and are set to win the Superbowl this Sunday! (GO PATS!)

I have lost a total of 5.5 lbs, and have made strides at the gym. (GO ME!!)

Today is Noah's 4th skiing lesson, and he will be graduating to the chair lift. In addition to that, he's been managing his blood glucose beautifully, both on and off the slopes. (GO NOAH!!!)

On the d-tip...at the risk of sounding like a total idiot, here's the story of what happened when my mom had Noah overnight so my husband and I could go out on a hot date. Yes, a real date with a movie and dinner and staying out late and a martini...

Ok, so on to the stupid thing I did:

My mom and I were planning Noah's dinner carbs for the evening and I wrote down measurements and counts for the chicken,broccoli & ziti she was planning to make.
"Is this pasta measurement for dry or cooked"? my mom asked.

"huh? It's the same, right"? I replied, uneasily. My mother is my family's Martha Stewart, and it automatically made me nervous that I didn't have the food knowledge she wanted to hear.

"The pasta...it's 1/2 cup dry, right?" now she's grabbing her glasses and the box to check.

"Mom, I don't have a clue. It's ziti, so it doesn't change it's shape or anything so I just assumed...."
I couldn't even finish. Most of the time, I can laugh at my mistakes and brush it off as a lesson learned, but not this time. This time was about my kid, and his health. I knew that what I had been doing all along was wrong, and it hit me in such a weird way. I started to cry and got mad at myself. How stupid am I that I don't know things like that practically double in size when they cook? I thought back to all the dinners and the carbs I counted incorrectly, and felt like ...

a failure.

"Now you know", my mom said. I immediately snapped out of it. Those 3 words meant so much.

They didn't just mean "now you know", they meant: "all good moms make mistakes", and "you do a good job, you can't be perfect all the time".

Thanks mom, for saying all the right things.

Fresh Powder

2008-01-04T08:58:00.000-05:00

I made my way in the bitter cold up to the lodge at the ski area, saying a little silent prayer, "please, in the name of all that is holy, let him have a good time with no lows".

It was Noah's first day of ski club. We planned ahead for every possible mishap and blood glucose scenario. Since the kids get on a bus and go right to the mountain after school, I sent him with a grocery store worth of snacks in his bag.

I hoped that he would remember to take his glucose tabs if he felt low on the mountain, instead of making the long trek to the lodge and his test kit.

Did I triple check his pump to make sure he had enough insulin in there, and battery life was ok?

I made my way through the gazillions of kids and adults, convinced something had gone wrong, and that I would find my son sweaty, pale and panicked from a low.

I heard him before I saw him...laughing that incredibly infectious laugh that I love so much. Standing with a friend and his teacher, skis in hand. Already looking like a pro. His smile was a mile wide, and just seeing that sent my anxiety packing...for that moment all thoughts of diabetes, boluses, basal rates, and carb counts were set aside. For that moment, I saw a happy kid on the brink of a new and exciting adventure, and that made the start of my New Year very bright, indeed.

I forgot the Friday Funnies!

2007-12-15T08:59:00.000-05:00

With all the snow talk yeaterday, I forgot my favorite day of the week!!

Without further ado...

The reason the 80's were such a "totally awesome" time...

Winter Wonderland

2007-12-14T08:54:00.000-05:00

It went from a few flurries to near blizzard conditions in 5 minutes yesterday. I've been living in New England all my life, and never have I seen the snow accumulate so fast. More than an inch an hour.

School let out an hour early, and as soon as Noah got off the bus, he asked if he could stay out and play in the snow.

I practically had to threaten him with bodily harm to force him into the house, he was having so much fun sledding. When he came in, he said "mom, I feel like a corpse-icle, just like that guy on "Pushing Daisies". (you had to be there).

After having a nice mug of hot cocoa, he thawed right out.

Noah's Favorite Hot Cocoa made with Splenda

8 oz. milk

2 T Hershey's Cocoa Powder

3 or 4 Splenda packets (to taste)

pinch of salt

dash of vanilla

Heat milk over low heat (do not boil). You can also do this in the microwave.

Add the rest of the ingredients and whisk like crazy to remove any lumps.

Garnish with mini marshmallows and enjoy!

This was taken at about 9:30 last night, as the snow kept coming down.

We're supposed to get another foot on Sunday.

Meme snagged from...

2007-11-27T10:09:00.000-05:00

...Penny!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Kinda. My mom saw a movie when she was pregnant, in which one of the main characters was named Lia. She liked it so much she chose it for me (if I was a boy, I would have been Ryan). When I was finally born, she couldn't remember how it was spelled, so it ended up being Lea.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Sunday night, watching that darn Extreme Home Makeover. It gets me every time.

3. Do you like your handwriting? I do. It's very swoopy and girly.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Sara Lee smoked turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Noah, age 9

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?I think so. I'm a likable person, just a bit shy at first. I'd take me out for a couple of drinks to loosen me up.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? ya think?

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not for all the money in the world. I hate heights.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Bunches of Oats (cinnamon)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no, I do that thing where you use your other foot to pry off the shoe. The second shoe is always the toughest.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I am a big wimp.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their smile.

15. RED OR PINK? I'm a sucker for anything pink.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I am the worst procrastinator. The upside to that, is that I do my best work under pressure.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Nana Peg. There's so much she's missing that I know would make her happy.

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? denim and no shoes...grey socks though.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? coffee, a banana, and toast.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Mario Batali and Martha Stewart cooking on TV.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? periwinkle

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? any kind of fruit smell, especially ripe peaches and fresh apples.
I also love the smell of Baby Magic baby wash.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Jon. He gives me a wake up call every morning from work to say hi.

25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? New England Patriots football.

26. HAIR COLOR? brown, with a few pesky grays thrown in. Not enough to go nuts over, yet.

27. EYE COLOR? bluish-grey

28 .Do you wear contacts? Yes, I got them when I was 14. I even had those colored ones in High School.

29.FAVORITE FOOD? pasta of any kind.

30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I sound like the biggest baby, but scary movies give me nightmares. I will watch them, but my hands are up over my eyes the entire time. Happy endings are overrated, but nice.
I like an unexpected ending- like in "The Departed".

31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Hoot.

32 WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? black t from Old Navy.

33. SUMMER OR WINTER? I love winter. For me, it's the time of year I have the most energy. In the summer, the heat gets to me, and I turn into a slug.

34. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs AND kisses!

35. FAVORITE DESSERT? Kahlua Trifle.

36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I use the couch cushion- optical mouse.

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Heroes. I got the DVD set of the first season for my birthday, and I've been hooked ever since.

38. FAVORITE SOUND? Noah saying "mom".

39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles are way before my time, but their music has always been a constant in my life.
I only like one song from the Stones; Sympathy for the Devil.

40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Ireland. I loved it, and would pull up stakes and move there permanently in a heartbeat.

41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I'm a very good singer. (just shy to do it in front of people)

Flawless

2007-11-26T09:40:00.000-05:00

First, to get it out of my system:
New England Patriots 11-0!!!!!

Thanksgiving blood sugars for Noah were unbelievable. I mean, spot on perfection even with all the rich food, and pie and constant grazing throughout the day. There was almost no effort involved (a couple things we even guesstimated on the carbs) and never did they go above 150. I couldn't believe it!!!

I wish every day with diabetes for Noah could be as effortless as that day- last night a 327 came along and bit us all in the ass. We were all taken by surprise by that one. I sometimes wonder if his BG meter just spits out random high numbers, so I will have him re-test and use more strips and have to buy more, making the strip companies that much richer...

Conspiracy theories aside, save for that weird high, it was a great long weekend full of family and friends. As we recapped the events,my husband and I were saying how carefree the d- management was this year, and it dawned on us that it's Noah's first Thanksgiving on the pump. It seems like he's been on it forever, but it's been just under a year.

It's a bit of a sad feeling of acceptance. That thing that was so foreign and scary to us not so long ago has become a (sometimes)seamless and integral part of daily life for all of us. Is has become so routine.
Just like they told us at the hospital - like brushing your teeth, it will become automatic, and they were so right.

This is our life, far from flawless, but I believe it's the way we are meant to live it.

I love this idea.

2007-11-20T19:11:00.000-05:00

My dear friend, Jessica sent me this idea, which I thought was great, so I'm passing it on.

When you are making out your Christmas and Holiday card list this year, also
include
one for the following address:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20307-5001

If you approve of the idea, please pass it on.

I went to the actual web site of the Walter Reed medical center and also found a way to give thanks on Thanksgiving, and I thought it is a cool idea.

WHO: America Supports You is a Department of Defense program that recognizes citizens' support for our military and their families, at home and abroad, and connects individuals and organizations who wish to directly support the troops and their families. ASY is launching a text messaging program called “Giving Thanks”.

WHAT: Giving Thanks is an interactive America Supports You program taking place during the Thanksgiving holiday to offer citizens an opportunity to say thank you to the men and women who serve this nation. Major mobile wireless providers, including AT&T, Verizon, Sprint Nextel, and T-Mobile, provide access to the America Supports You Text Message program.

WHEN: People can text a message of thanks to 8-9-2-7-9, beginning at 6am EST on Saturday, November 17, and ending at midnight, PDT on November 22, Thanksgiving Day.

WHY: The goal is for people to take a moment during the Thanksgiving holiday to think about those who are serving this nation, and act in a way that demonstrates they appreciate their sacrifices. Giving Thanks offers a unifying moment for the nation, during a time in which families traditionally come together and express gratitude for things large and small that contribute to their lives. The United States currently has brave military men and women serving in 177 countries. These troops and their families will be informed about how many people have texted in their thanks and will get to see many of the messages, reminding them that people back home do care.

HOW: On Thanksgiving Day America Supports You will tabulate the number of messages sent to the troops. The volume of text messages will serve as a reminder to our military that the folks back home are grateful for their service.

About America Supports You
Since its formation three years ago, the America Supports You program has welcomed over 300 grassroots organizations and 35 corporate partners to its team. Many America Supports You team members support the troops through letter writing, care packages, helping the wounded when they return home, assisting military families, sending an email, or making a kind gesture—to learn more about how you can help please visit www.AmericaSupportsYou.mil

source

2007-11-20T10:56:00.000-05:00

Shannon and Erin both tagged me with this, and I've never done this before so here goes!:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post

My 7 random facts:

1. I can do the moonwalk, cabbage patch and the running man.

2. When I was little, my answer to the grown- ups question, "what do you want to be when you grow up"? ...a stripper.

3. When I eat a sandwich, I have to eat the crust off first, and make it perfectly round and then eat the middle.

4. In 5th grade, I sang "Let's Hear It For The Boy" (from Footloose) in my class talent show, and my skirt fell off in the middle of it.

5. I have cried at every concert I've been to.

6.I can make the noise of a dripping faucet with my hand and my mouth.

7. I am addicted to this video game called Katamari Damacy. It's the most pointless fun thing ever.

I tag: Julia, Manny, Penny, George, Nikki, and Bernard

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

2007-11-20T01:01:00.000-05:00

I am not a scholar by any stretch of the imagination. Nor do I have hundreds of thousands of dollars invested in higher education. No, I am your average High School graduate with some street smarts and alot of "life experiences" under my belt. I am not an eloquent blogger, turning the everyday into poetry. My words and stories will probably never win any literary kudos. Some of my favorite d-bloggers are geniuses at this and I wish that I could be even a smidgen like them, but I can't mold myself into something I clearly am not. I write about life, and I try to be as honest as I can.

The ugly bits are sometimes all I can think about.

Noah's one year pump anniversary is coming up ,and I've been going over the last year in my head. I would love to say that it's been nothing short of awesome, what with the new found pump freedom and such. Should be no sweat. It was a tough transition and only in the past 4 months have we really been able to relax around here.

To be frank, I can be a bit controlling and picky. things have to be a certain way. In trying to make everything in our family life run perfectly smooth , I can be quite the bitch if something does not go my way. During the first few months of getting used to the pump, I was impossible to please. Now,to give you an idea of the kind of guy he is, my husband is quite possibly the best and most patient man on the face of the Earth. He is an incredible father, attentive, fair, fun and kind. As a husband, he is my best friend. I can truly call him my partner. I trust him with my life, and love him like crazy.

During this time, he was learning and trying to do his best. He slipped up a couple times while learning, as we all do. I was panicked, and took it out on him. I must have said a million times, "what would happen if I dropped dead tomorrow?!?!?! You would have no clue how to do all the D. stuff."!! I called him an ass under my breath, snatched infusion sets away from him in a huff, and instead of reminding him how it was done, made comments about how he "didn't even pay attention when the pump lady came to the house to teach us".

I was terrible. I was mean.

Looking back, it's easy to see I was clearly afraid I would be the one to screw the pooch, but instead of confessing my fears, I lashed out on the easiest and most convenient person -my sweet husband who was just trying his hardest to help our son. This is not the person I normally am. I spent my time from day one of the diagnosis trying to be strong, brave, tough, whatever. I became a bully to the one person I promised to trust and support forever.

If there was a way to go back and change how I acted in those situations, you betcha I would go.

I guess this is a public apology of sorts, and to my sweet husband I say, "I'm so sorry, and I love you."

Change is ok.

2007-11-19T08:54:00.000-05:00

Oh boy, I hate change. So trying a combination bolus for the first time over the weekend for Noah, and his 3 slices of pizza (how that boy can stay so skinny with that appetite is beyond me) had me sweating and palpitating all over the place.
Even trying to explain how a combination bolus works is enough to get me all flustered. I know the general idea of it, but I could never put it into words the right way - I'd embarrass myself.
It was a tense few hours after that bolus. How could I possibly trust myself and a machine to do this right? What if I screwed up the carbs? Or the timing? I set it up to give him half the bolus right away, and the other half over a 2 hr. period. I did this based on his history of being high a couple hours after high fat stuff (like pizza) and crossed my fingers.
I made the poor kid test at least 3 times in 3 hours. He did it without complaint, but I think I might have caught an eye-roll the last time.

I had no reason to be worried...it totally worked. I'm no longer afraid of this feature, and will be using it from now on.

Friday Funnies

2007-11-16T11:57:00.001-05:00

It's Friday, and after a long week, I love to laugh!

I love the thing Steve Carell does in the background:

And old school Eddie Murphy: *warning!!!! a couple swears here*

PIVOT!!

Good Morning

2007-11-14T08:27:00.000-05:00

I'm not a morning person. I wake up early every day, and it is completely against my nature to do so. So today was no different- I opened my eyes and cursed under my breath (damn, it's cold!) and half-slid, half-fell out of bed.
I went to wake up Noah and help him pick out his outfit. He opened his eyes and beamed with his great big smile, and sprang out of bed ready to start his day.

In stark contrast, I plodded down the hallway to the kitchen, bleary eyed and sounding a bit like Ozzy as I grumbled back over my shoulder, "deodorant...don't forget to put on droderennnnt".
Over breakfast when Noah was testing his blood sugar, he flashed that smile again and then he said something that woke me right the heck up.

"I love my life".

"What did you say, Noah"? Again, he flashed that smile and said "I love my life". And then "click"! Went the lancet thing.

Immediately, my fog lifted and I was fully awake and beaming myself. "I'm so happy you feel that way, Noah - you're pretty awesome!" I slapped him a high five but in my head was going over those 4 words over and over, amazed. With all the crap he has to go through every day, the fact that he can say that, and honestly mean it is just...

...I love my son.

"Word In Your Hand" video

2007-11-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

I'm so proud that Noah is a part of this presentation. Luis Garcia, a member of TuDiabetes started a Flickr group called the "Word in Your Hand" project. It's for members to describe in one word how diabetes has affected our lives. Luis took several photos from that Flickr group and made this amazing video. You can see Noah at 00:46 with his word: "stress".

Find more videos like this on Tu Diabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes

Thank you, Smiths Medical

2007-11-01T10:43:00.000-04:00

Noah got a surprise in the mail yesterday from the company that makes his insulin pump. A cool little art set with double-sided markers and pen. We weren't expecting this at all, and it was such an excellent alternative to candy.

I can't keep my mouth shut

2007-10-31T10:42:00.000-04:00

But really, why should I? If something (especially diabetes related) doesn't sit well with me, I should treat it as a "teaching moment", right?

My aunt sent me this article. After reading it, I couldn't not comment. Here's what I had to say:

Although I share the author's views about too much candy, the obesity epidemic in this country, and the serious over-use of additives and chemicals in our products, I have to point out one thing. Bringing education and information to the forefront is more important now than ever, but I believe it should be accurate.
I have a huge problem with the term diabetes being used here as a blanket statement. It's akin to assuming that all cancer is of the breast, or the liver. Diabetes comes in a few different forms, and a clarification needs to be made in this case.
Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease that results in failure of insulin producing beta cells of the pancreas. It is not brought on by lifestyle, and there is no "growing out of it", patients rely on insulin (either through multiple injections or an insulin pump) to survive. As a matter of fact, there is no cure.
I'm not living in denial, I understand there is a huge problem with obesity-caused Type 2, so your article makes perfect sense. Allot of the symptoms of Type 2 can be managed quite well by lifestyle changes that promote healthy eating and exercise, but there are many people who become more insulin-dependant over time, too.
So many people with Type 2 lead typically healthy lifestyles, and do not fit your description of ..."parents who waddle down wide suburban streets, diabetic and obese"... Sometimes, like with other diseases, Type 2 just happens.
What is really important is eating well and doing some form of activity every day...no matter who you are, or what health challenges you face.
I think it's also important to have a clear picture of each type of diabetes. As a mother of a child with Type 1, it's something that I find myself explaining often. There are allot of misconceptions surrounding diabetes already, it doesn't need any help being more complicated. It already is.

55, 179, and 313

2007-10-30T10:14:00.000-04:00

And that's all before lunch. Noah's home sick with a nasty cold today, and I always get nervous about his blood glucose numbers being all over the place (and rightly so).

No formula, ratio, or fancy math will make a bit of difference with these crazy numbers. The only thing we can do is test like crazy, bolus, and snack.

Getting cozy on the couch helps, too.

keep those germs away!!

Yesterday was a good day :)

2007-10-29T09:40:00.000-04:00

I have sports hangover, and I love it!!

First there was this...

Washington 7, New England 52

and later...
BOS 4 F
COL 3

Diabetes in Numbers

2007-10-29T09:29:00.000-04:00

Find more videos like this on Tu Diabetes - A Community for People Touched by Diabetes

Over 6 million people are diagnosed with diabetes every year.

This video was shot as part of the activities at Full Sail, for World Diabetes Day. Shooting and editing was done by Brett Novak, a Digital Art & Design student at Full Sail.

Music: http://www.2litros.com/
Video: Brett Novak

Husband of the Year

2007-10-09T13:20:00.001-04:00

I got the puking stomach bug.
My sweet husband has spent this past holiday weekend taking care of me in all my pukey glory, as well as tending to "the beetus" (as Noah has now grown fond of calling it) .
He kicked butt at it all. Meals, site changes, keeping Noah from being bored to death on his first full (RAINY) holiday day off from school. They even picked out a little get well card for me with a Golden Retriever on it. A GOLDEN RETRIEVER, people. This is why I married this man. So sweet.

I'm going to get him a little award...maybe a leg lamp or a Dundie.

Friday Funnies

2007-10-05T16:03:00.001-04:00

Everyone has to laugh- especially when you or someone you love is going through something not so fun or funny. (although, at times, diabetes can be pretty hilarious) Today, I have some non- diabetes comic relief to share. I love to laugh and different things can just crack me up, so here we go.

Boobs, Injuries, & Dr. Pepper. I have never laughed louder or longer than when I'm reading this blog. Crystal is a kick-ass , smart and clever mom raising 3 kids, who is kind-hearted and swears a lot!

Video mash-ups of "The Office". Especially the ones with the cast dancing, set to music. This is my very favorite show (and no, I don't heart Jim, I heart Michael! )

Two words. Cute Overload.

Jim Gaffigan and the Hot Pockets.

There are no words.

2007-09-17T10:53:00.000-04:00

For the past week or so, Noah's blood glucose numbers have been all over the place. Highs in the 300's...lows in the 40's. It's been a real project just trying to get him below 200. Lately, it seems as if the corrections we do for high BG bring on a delayed low so severe, it seems impossible to predict or come back from.

There really are no words - sometimes you have to just say, "what the fuck???"

A Sigh Of Relief

2007-08-31T09:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we met with the school nurse and Noah's new teacher to work out his diabetes care plan for the year, as his classroom location and schedule has changed and that all factors in with his d-management.

I just have to say, it's a great feeling when you see the school nurse and your child run at each other and give a big ol hug. I can't say enough good about this woman-she is our angel!

Ok...back to the story. So after catching up a bit, the teacher (Miss C.)arrived and we sat down with our notebooks, folders, reading material, pump manual, class schedule, orders from the doctor...the list goes on!
Miss C. was very interested in learning about diabetes, and before the nurse or I could open our mouths, Noah launched into his explanation and it slowly dawned on me that my kid knows his stuff! I actually sat there with my mouth hanging open waiting to offer a snippet of information in case he got caught up, but I didn't have to. He was absolutely clear and accurate, explaining how his pancreas is "broken" and he "uses his robotic pancreas to help him survive". The twinge of sadness in my heart I feel knowing that he has to carry all this stuff in his head was temporarily overridden by the pride I felt at how eloquent and confident he was at that moment. As I looked at Miss C., listening so intently, I knew that she saw Noah just as I did right then, and I knew we just added a new member to our d-club.

Today, we meet the new teacher

2007-08-30T09:47:00.000-04:00

And I will do my best not to sound like a total, controlling, hyper-sensitive, crazed bitch of a mutha.

I have been rehearsing what to say in my mind, knowing that I will have to at some point address that what happened last year will not be tolerated by us. All we're looking for is a little more understanding from the teacher this year. The school nurse (love her!) has already told me that the new teacher is wonderful, and she's sure it will be a good match for Noah and his needs.

I feel like he's almost graduated to a new level of his own care. Over the summer he showed us how responsible he has become with testing, counting carbs and using his pump. He will be taking this new independence with him into 4th grade, and I'm so proud of him. It will be less hands-on for the nurse, but knowing that she is still very attentive and involved totally sets my mind at ease.

With a little luck and lots of communication, I'm hoping this year will be the best one yet!

A Miracle

2007-08-03T08:12:00.000-04:00

My friend Starz directed me to this post on a blog I've never read before. I thought to myself, "I wonder why she's having me read a knitting blog, I don't knit"...and as I took the 5 minutes to read this post,my heart caught in my chest, and the tears came. It has nothing to do with diabetes, but it does have to do with children, and their safety at the beach.
Please, if you plan on spending any time at the beach this summer, read this http://earthchicknits.blogspot.com/2007/07/worst-five-minutes-of-my-life.html
The story truly is a miracle, and I hope by passing it on, it might help another parent.

Up All Night

2007-07-30T09:20:00.000-04:00

I always have trouble getting to sleep, so I usually set the timer on my TV, and drift off to the sound of Alton Brown or Stephen Colbert.

Last night, I was on the brink of sleep when I heard shuffling from Noah's room- then his skinny silhouette was in my doorway.

"Mom, I can't sleep"

Are you low, honey?

"no, but I'm wicked thirsty"

We better check your blood sugar, you were on the high side all day...

"I'm FINE mom" (at this point, I'm convinced he's high because he's arguing and being an all around little snot)

I finally convince him that it's in his best interest to just let me do it, so after I dropped the lancing device twice coming down the hall, and pricked my own finger by accident, I managed to get a drop of blood from him that might as well have been an Everlasting Gobstopper... the reading was off the charts. Literally ,the Cozmonitor readout said BG OVER 500.

Holy crap, I groaned. We have to try another finger to make sure dude.

Again BG OVER 500. I gave him the correction, and tucked him back in.

Now I'm wide awake and thinking to myself that I need to stay up and check him in like an hour and a half to make sure he doesn't go low like he always does after a correction. Time to grab the clicker and channel surf.

This is how the rest of the night went:

12:30 a.m.: Watched 10 minutes of Forrest Gump

12:40 a.m. : landed on the Godfather for a few

1:00 a.m.: Switched to HGTV and watched 2 hours of Design Star ...( I'm loving Josh Sparkle, and that Robb guy is a major jackass bully.)

2:15 a.m.: the cat got up on the bed and got all comfy- on my bladder.

2:30 a.m. : got up to pee...

2:35: checked Noah's BG and it was 248 (eff!) correction again.

2:40 a.m.: back to bed, and still wide awake. My husband rolled over and started mumbling in his sleep, so of course I had to poke him awake and share the fact that I was still awake and he needed to share my pain.

He snored in my face and rolled over saying, "I'll do the next check".

If I could marry him again, I would!

Making New Friends

2007-07-27T17:46:00.000-04:00

Today, Noah and I had the pleasure of meeting Shannon and her unbelievably adorable kids, Brendon, Jessica and Jacob from Mom Wants a Diabetes Cure. We connected on TuDiabetes, in the "Parents of kids with Type 1 group. It just so happens that we live really close, and decided we'd get the kids together and meet.

We went to an indoor playground, so the kids could have fun and we could swap d-stories- and because it's about 567 degrees farenheit outside and th is place had AC!! So off they all went, stopping only to have a snack and squeal crazily (Noah) "wow!!!! we have the exact same pump!!!!" It was great for Noah. Brendon is only the 2nd kid he's known with diabetes. It was like they have this unspoken understanding of each other right away.

Shannon and her kids are awesome, and I feel like we all hit it off really well. It was so nice to talk with her- she is very easy going and fun, and had me in stitches a couple times!

So thanks, guys!!! We had a great time, and we'll have to do it again real soon!

Worst. Post. Ever.

2007-07-26T10:33:00.000-04:00

I just sat down with my medium Dunkin Donuts iced coffee, to write a pretty well thought out blog post. At the exact same time, my neighbor's landscaper revved up the most heinous and loudest mower I've ever heard and everything im my head flitted out. Just like that.

Blue

2007-07-13T09:32:00.000-04:00

I have the diabetes blues.
With Noah's birthday being just last week, I've been thinking about my pregnancy and his birth alot lately.
From the very moment I found out we were going to have a baby, I was elated, but that feeling was laced with worry. Will we be good parents? Will he sleep through the night? What happens if he sticks a Cheerio up his nose?

What if he gets sick?

While I realize good health and good fortune is never guaranteed, I firmly believe there is a purpose behind every life moment. We do not have total control , but we have been given a strength that comes from deep within, and is mostly hidden until we need to tap into it.

This kind of positive thinking only gets me so far. There have been numerous times over the years when my resolve dwindled to non-existent proportions and that well of strength ran dry.

Diabetes is at the very least, something I can sort of control. Even so, knowing that you have to do everything just right (and sometimes even THAT is not good enough) and if you mess up, you could put your child at serious risk is at times too much for me to handle.

I am flawed, and that terrifies me.

We made it through another birthday party!

2007-07-09T19:38:00.000-04:00

With real honest-to-goodness sugary cake and ice cream and everything!! We took the comments like: "is he supposed to haaaaave that?" and "diabetics aren't supposed to haaaaave cake"! in stride and had a PARTY!
You only turn 9 once. Next year I'm making him a shirt that says "I BOLUS FOR CAKE"!

This is a bad trend.

2007-06-30T12:25:00.000-04:00

It seems as if stories like this one are becoming more frequent. On one hand, it does bring attention to the symptoms of low blood sugar for people who may not know the signs, and that's good. On the other hand, why does someone have to be dropped unwillingly into a life - threatening scenario for this kind of awareness to finally be brought to the forefront?

Police: Diabetic Man Missing After Being Kicked Off TrainPHOENIX -- A 65-year-old St. Louis man is missing after Amtrak personnel, mistaking his diabetic shock for drunk and disorderly behavior, kicked him off a train in the middle of a national forest, according to police in Williams, Ariz.

Police said Roosevelt Sims was headed to Los Angeles but was asked to leave the train shortly before 10 p.m. Sunday at a railroad crossing five miles outside Williams. "He was let off in the middle of a national forest, which is about 800,000 acres of beautiful pine trees," Lt. Mike Graham said.Police said there is no train station or running water at the crossing, which is about two miles from the nearest road, at an elevation of about 8,000 feet.Amtrak personnel told police dispatchers that Sims was drunk and unruly.The Sims family said Sims is diabetic and was going into shock.Sims' brother, Brian Mason, said his family tried to call Sims on his cell phone that night, but Sims was incoherent.When officers arrived at the crossing, police said, Sims ran into the woods, leaving his luggage and medication behind.Cell phone records show that Sims' phone was last used in Litchfield Park, Ariz., 180 miles from Williams.Williams police told CBS 5 that Amtrak has used the abandoned crossing as a drop-off site in the past. Graham said that whether drunk or not, no one should be dropped off there."You don't put anyone off in an area like that," Graham said.Amtrak said the company is looking into the matter."I just want to find him," Mason said. "I'm not mad at anybody.""I want to find a way to make sure he's OK," Mason added."Our thoughts and prayers are that there's no way he's out there in those woods," Graham said.UPDATE:Man missing after being thrown off Amtrak train located12 NewsJun. 28, 2007 11:29 PM A Coconino County Sheriff’s deputy has located Roosevelt Sims, the 65-year-old man aboard an Amtrak train who was ejected for appearing drunk and out of control about 5 miles outside of the city of Williams in Northern Arizona.Sims was diagnosed with diabetes just last week. His family says that explains his strange behavior on an Amtrak train, not intoxication. Sims was transported to Flagstaff Medical Center for observation and will be interviewed by police when cleared by medical staff. Other Amtrak passengers say Sims was left in a desolate area late Sunday night. Earlier, police spotted Sims shortly after he was asked to leave the train, but he ran away into the forest.

Interview with the 9 year old

2007-06-29T17:57:00.000-04:00

I wanted to try something a little different, and thought "what better way to get to know someone than with an interview"?

Noah thinks of himself as somewhat of a celebrity, so I'll do my best Barbara Walters impersonation. LOL

Mom:How long have you had diabetes?

Noah: Since I was 6.

Mom: How did you feel when you got diagnosed?

Noah: I got pretty worried.

Mom: How many times a day do you test?

Noah: About 9.

Mom: What activities do you like?

Noah: kick ball, swimming, jump rope, street chalk, playing at the park, arts and crafts, dodgeball, etc.

Mom: What kinds of hobbies do you have?

Noah: I study whales, play with Legos, play with the cat- that's pretty much it.

Mom: What are some of your favorite foods?

Noah: Some of my favorite foods would be pizza, cake, carrots, broccoli, ice cream, candies, sausages, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, bacon, eggs, etc.

Mom: What would you like to be when you grow up?

Noah: I would like to be a cartoonist.

Mom: How do you feel when you're low?

Noah: queasy, shaky, weak and sweaty.

Mom: What advice would you give to other kids with diabetes?

Noah: I would tell them to always test when they're supposed to, if you feel low, tell an adult. Share your feelings about diabetes with your family or friends to feel better.

Mom: When there is a cure, what is the first thing you will do?

Noah: Celebrate and be happy!!

Fun at Day Camp!

2007-06-29T17:40:00.000-04:00

*exhale*

The first week of day camp for Noah is officialy over, and it was a huge success. I was so worried that he would panic if something didn't go "just right" with his pump, or using his new cell phone to call me with blood sugars. He did brilliantly. My husband and I could not be prouder of how responsible he is. Yep, our baby is growing up.

I am doubly happy that on Wednesday they took a field trip to a local outdoor function facility with a big pool for all the kids to go swimming, and he wore Cozmo in the pool---AND IT WORKED! woo hoo!

Getting him to wear it proved to be harder than I thought. My second blog post here told the story of our misadventure in Florida regarding the pump in the pool, and Noah was sure that his pump would fail again.

I reassured him that if something happened like before, we could get another one right away and that I would be chaperoning and ready to help if he needed me.

He ended up having a great day and spending all of it swimming, which is how it's supposed to work! :)

He is making new friends as well, and learning that he really can do everything the other kids are doing...he just has to plan a little more than some people. I think he's getting the hang of it. I'm glad he is, because I know one day he's going to do it all by himself and that will be bittersweet for me knowing that I taught him well enough to let him.

Strawberry picking & waffles

2007-06-26T11:55:00.000-04:00

Hey I got an idea! I could stay with you! We could stay up late, swap manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles! -Donkey

We have strawberries galore here! My mom and Noah went picking over the weekend, and he came home with some serious berry-yumminess.

I think summer has got to be the best time for people, especially diabetics nutrition -wise. Fresh fruits and veggies in season seem to taste better than any other time of the year.

We try to encourage healthy choices often, but breakfast is tough around here. If we let Noah eat waffles, bacon and english muffins every day, he'd be perfectly happy. Getting him to try oatmeal took alot of smart and clever parenting tricks (by that, I mean bribery) and he hated it. So fruit is what we rely on to not feel like terrible parents who feed the kid junk all the time!

Noah enjoying the fruits of his labor:

"Can you hear me now?"

2007-06-22T11:31:00.000-04:00

I swore I'd never allow my young child to have a cell phone. It was just one of those things that made me kind of an old-fashioned mother. No cell phone. No DVD player in the car, etc. No matter how much Noah begged for the last couple years, (let me remind you, he's only almost 9) My answer was always the same; "when you get older and are doing more after-school stuff, then you can get one."

2 days ago, I got my almost 9 year old a cell phone. I had to cave and go against everything I've been saying for years. It's strictly for medical reasons - so he can stay in touch with me during his day camp this summer. I feel good about it. My husband and I are pretty confident that he'll be responsible, but in the back of my mind I remember what it's like to be almost 9 with a new cool toy (even though mom and dad have STRESSED that it's not a toy) and showing off to friends is going to happen. He will geek out with that phone and I'm sure a lesson or two will be learned within the first week, (son, DO NOT text the word "boobs" to your friends) but it's a small price to pay for my piece of mind.

Vacation!

2007-06-18T09:57:00.000-04:00

Today is the very first day of summer vacation. We slept til' 9:00 and Noah's blood sugar at that time was kinda low at 68. Looks like the alarm will have to be set to keep him from sleeping right through a low.

I wonder why sometimes he feels very low and tests at around 100 (or even higher) and other times, he's in the 50's and 60's and says he feels perfectly fine. That I will never understand. I'm all about the rhyme and reason behind things, and this disease offers neither. It can be frustrating at times.

This week it's all about being lazy, because next week starts the running around and constant activity of day camp.

We have a beach day planned for tomorrow seeing as it will be very hot here. I am thinking about disconnecting Noah's pump for the day so we don't have a repeat of the "Florida Incident" as it is now affectionately called. I just think one day of freedom splashing in the ocean without something attached to your butt is totally worth a couple injections. I want Noah to be able to get very salty, very sandy and very happy.

Picking Battles

2007-06-12T09:55:00.000-04:00

Having a child means experiencing surprises on a daily basis. Some good - like when they make you something at school , and bring it home to give it to you all crinkled and bent from being in the backpack. Some not so good - like when you find out they've been given detention for throwing paper on the bus. These are life's little challenges, and picking which battle to fight is always a tough decision for parents to make.

Now throw diabetes into the mix, and it seems like every little thing is the battle scene from Braveheart. It's hard to get people to understand exactly what Noah goes through on a daily basis. One member of my family thinks to this day, that his diabetes can be controlled by diet and diet alone. I have to shake my head and explain -again- that he basically needs his pump to live.

Then there's school. For the most part it's been ok. The school nurse is one of the most wonderful people that has entered into our lives. She really gets it - she has truly done her homework and so genuine in her concern for these kids she sees every day, it's enough to make you tear up a little. She called me yesterday to tell me that Noah had been low when he tested right before a walking field trip to visit the Police Station. He was very upset and his mood swung even more when he was told to stay and have a snack. I guess the teacher couldn't wait 5 minutes, because they left without him. When the nurse couldn't reach the principal to see if she could bring Noah over there (it's literally 1/2 a block away from school.) she called me , and I got him and drove him over to join his class. When I saw the teacher , I began to explain to her that he was fine now, and that his test kit and juice are in his bag....she cut me off mid sentence and said "well we are almost done here".

I was so upset, I just turned on the spot and left. I am sad for my son. Sad because in trying to help him feel completely normal with this disease, he is still being singled out. Some battles you just can't win.

Sweet Morning

2007-06-08T10:18:00.000-04:00

When I arrived home this morning from the gym, the phone rang. The caller ID says it's the school, and my stomach does an involuntary flip.

"Hello"?

"HI MOM!!!!" I can hear oodles of excitement in his voice (thank goodness!)

"what's up, hunny?

He tells me he's down at the nurse, and he won a prize, and it's a candy bar (!) and canhepleasepleaseplease haaave it?????

Mad dash to the computer, where I pull up my lifesaver. CalorieKing, type in Nestle Crunch.

Like magic, the stats come up:

Serving Size: x serving, 3 bars (1.5 oz) package (11.5 oz) oz g
Nutrition Facts
Calories 210
(Kilojoules 878)
% DV**
Total Fat
10 g
15%
Sat. Fat
6 g
30%
Trans Fat
0 g

Cholesterol
5 mg
2%
Sodium
60 mg
3%
Total Carbs.
29 g
10%
Dietary Fiber
1 g
4%
Sugars
24 g

Protein
2 g

Calcium
40 mg

Note: A dash indicates no data is available.

2 seconds to look it up , and my little guy was off bolusing and enjoying his prize.

I must reference this website two, three times a day. Not just for carbs info, but for my own nutritional inquiries. Thank you CalorieKing- you are being added to my list on the side :)